New year
by KlikStar
Summary: Cloud's not happy when things go wrong, Seph's feeling more emotions, Reno's having nightmares and Zack's trying to pick up the pieces along the way. Can anyone really say Happy New Year when the midnight celebrations begin? Rate M - part of the 4WS saga
1. Chapter 1

**First of all Happy New Year to everyone and yes I know we are technically half way through the first month already, but I still wanted to say it as this is my first 4 Way split story for 2009 :o)**

**As you can see from the title of this story it is set at New Years so my apologies for not having it up sooner but there are various reasons for the delay. First of all was the mini-melt down of my Pc which delayed my writing and then when I looked back over all the wonderful reviews and PM's I have received I found that lots of you were starting to ask similar questions. As a result the story began to change a little bit and suddenly grew into something a lot more in-depth than I had planned.**

**You may also have noticed that this is the first time I have posted a 4WS saga instalment as in-progress and again I apologise. The other parts are nearly ready but I wanted to get the first chapter up as soon as it was ready.**

**I own nothing but the ideas and I hope you like what you read. Please review and let me know if you do :o)**

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**New year – Part 1**

Cloud stared at his reflection in the mirror and moaned softly to himself, a hand instinctively reaching for his stomach to try and settle the butterflies currently moving around within it. This was not something he was used to, a situation which was beyond his experience and one which was now out of his control.

"Hey Cloud, you ready?" Jacob called from the corridor and the cadet nearly jumped out of his skin.

"I'm just coming." He called back, before quickly looking at the reflection one last time.

Christmas day had been and gone, its festivities being quite enjoyable thanks to Zack's efforts and the people he had spent it with. Cloud smiled as he remembered the day itself, the wonderful meal, the thoughtful gifts and the more intimate time spent together. There was no denying that he missed that time now, the reduced number of cadet's on the base making it easier for him to disappear and be with them without it being suspicious. But now that opportunity was disappearing fast, the small group of cadet's who had also stayed over Christmas growing by the day as more returned early for various reasons. The blonde sighed as he thought about the joyful welcomes each had received, constantly feeling a little out of place as they happily shared tales about their holidays with family and friends. Cloud had sat quietly and listened to each story being told, his own thoughts and feelings constantly revolving around the wonderful time he'd had but was unable to talk about. Instead the cadet had always responded to their questions with answers involving extra studies or training, the partial truth being something they seemed to accept easily.

It had been the day before New Years' Eve when Jacob had the idea to welcome in the New Year together, all of them going for a night out below the plate to celebrate. Technically they were still on break and didn't have duties, classes or training for a few more days so the plan had been quickly accepted by everyone, well almost everyone. Cloud silently cursed Zack once more for accepting for him, the soldier jumping in as soon as the invitation had been spoken and agreeing on his behalf.

The blonde groaned as his stomach did another summersault, the sensation making him want to be sick and his legs turn to jelly where he stood. He had never been included in these outings with the other cadets before, the groups always leaving him out of their activities, and now it was making him more than nervous. Haunted memories of past experiences were already drifting through his mind, the worries of mental torture such as teasing and joking at his expense causing a sweat to form on his body. Pushing the disturbing images from his head again Cloud drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly, his personal mantra playing once more in his head. "It's not like before, it's not like before, it's not like before." With that the cadet grabbed his jacket and slipped it on, his hands trembling as he picked up his wallet and key card before putting them in his pocket and leaving the safety of his dorm room.

"Hey, don't look so worried. We're off duty so no one's gonna report us." Jacob joked light-heartedly, as Cloud appeared looking a little paler than usual.

"Yea, sure. Sorry." The blonde mumbled, as he followed them through the corridors.

"Have you ever been under the plate before?" Brice asked as he moved forward to open the door

"A few times." Cloud replied, his voice thankfully not betraying his nervous state.

"Don't worry, just stick with us, ok."

"Come on you guys, we're going to miss the train." Another voice called from further down the path.

Jacob and Brice quickly jogged ahead and Cloud took a deep breath before following them, his feet moving instinctively to stay with the crowd, while his heart raced frantically in his chest silently begging him to turn and run the other way.

Unbeknown to the blonde he was actually being watched, the eyes of a Turk and soldier studying his every move as he hurried to catch up with the other cadet's

"You think he's gonna be ok?" Reno asked casually, leaning back against the wall.

"I'm not sure." Zack admitted hesitantly.

The Turk looked across at the soldier and sighed as he took in the worried expression, the look clearly portraying his own feelings at what they had indirectly done to the blonde. It had been no surprise when Cloud had been angry that night, his hopes of spending the time with them being crushed not only by Zack's actions but also Sephiroth's bad news. The argument had begun with the cadet venting his annoyance at the soldier, his frustration about Zack accepting invitations on his behalf starting the evening off badly. Things had only gotten worse when the general had informed the blonde that unfortunately both he and the other two would be required to attend the president's party that night, a function that Cloud would not be able to attend. After a while they had managed to convince him that it was for the best, that this way he wouldn't be alone and could build on the new friendships he was forming with the other cadet's.

It was only now as he sat on the roof watching the blonde disappear that the soldier began to worry about the decision they had made. The accident had scared the hell out of him and the past few months of Cloud's recovery had been hard in more ways than one. But things were better now and if anything Cloud was actually beginning to relax and enjoy his time as a cadet away from them. He no longer avoided talking about how his day had been, instead happily recounting various things he had said or done with some of the other cadet's. They knew he was still cautious about the changes taking place, that he was still nervous about how the other cadet's now acted around him, but with some persuasion Cloud had begun to see that these changes were ok. Zack had been thrilled when one of the other cadet's had bumped into them that day and invited Cloud along for drinks. It was a perfect opportunity for the cadet to make some more friends and to get to know his troop better, and it also meant their blonde wouldn't be alone for new year's, which was why the soldier had agreed for him instantly.

"He needs to get out more, mix with his peers." The Turk commented reassuringly, noting the tension in the soldier's body.

"I know." Zack sighed, settling down on the floor now that Cloud was out of sight.

"So what's bothering you?"

"Guess I'm just worried about him." The soldier admitted smiling faintly.

"I'm sure he's gonna be fine. Those guys seem ok."

"Yea, you're right." Zack agreed with a sigh.

"Beside," Reno continued, knowing the main reason for the soldier's depressed mood. "We can't have him alone tonight, it just wouldn't be right."

"What's not right is us having to work." Zack grumbled.

"You only have to be there for show, it's not like you're actually working." The Turk pointed out slightly annoyed now.

"Ok, so you have to watch over Rufus while he gets drunk," The soldier agreed apologetically. "But when it's a party and you can't have fun its still work."

"Fine, I'll agree with that one." Reno huffed, as he lent back against the wall beside Zack. "So ..."

"So?"

"So ... how do you think it will go?"

"I think the parties going to be ..."

"Not the party you idiot," The red head cut in, shaking his head. "I mean for Cloud, how do you think it's going to be for him?"

"I thought you were the one who said he was going to be fine." The soldier pointed out, raising one eyebrow questioningly.

"Well maybe I'm a little worried too."

"Who knows, hopefully it will be fine." Zack replied, the slight laughter that had resulted from Reno's words now fading away as his own concerns came back.

The sound of the soldier's phone ringing interrupted whatever the Turk had been about to say, the sudden noise making both men jump slightly. Zack answered it immediately and Reno listened to as much of the conversation as he could after he recognised the other person as being Sephiroth. The call only lasted a minute and consisted mainly of the general trying to find out where they were, his presence at the party having required him to be there earlier than either of them.

"I take it he's not happy about this function either." The Turk asked, as soon as the soldier had hung up.

"That's putting it mildly."

"It's that bad?"

"You know how much he hates it when they put him on display and tonight is all about making a show of ShinRa."

"So he's about ready to kill someone."

"Yep." Zack replied with a small amused smile.

"Then I guess we should be going." The red head noted, although he didn't look like he wanted too.

"I'd say that was a wise decision or you might end up having to save your boss from your boyfriend."

"Great, just what I need." Reno groaned, as he pushed away from the wall and waited for Zack to rise.

They both glanced once more towards the place where they had last seen Cloud, each of them knowing there was no possible way of seeing the cadet now yet somehow hoping too. It was with great reluctance and heavy hearts that they made their way off the roof and back down through the building, their feet practically dragging on the floor as they walked towards where they needed to be. Neither spoke as they made their way across the compound and into the main ShinRa building, both lost in their own thoughts and hoping for the night to be over as soon as possible so that they could spend the new day with their blonde.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Cloud had remained quiet and on edge as the group made its way to the station, his mind still trying to process how he had ended up in this position. Even as they boarded the train and headed down towards the bars below the plate he had been a nervous wreck, his insides in a mess while he continued to silently curse Zack for putting him there. At the time of being asked he had been too shocked to respond, the unexpected invitation being like the start of a dream or a nightmare depending on how it turned out. It had been this momentary pause which had given the soldier time to intervene, the uncertainty and mild panic in the blonde's eyes being completely ignored as his attendance to the event was guaranteed for him.

They had saved the argument about it until they had met with the others later, with Cloud having had hours to fret and Zack time to realise that maybe he had overstepped the boundaries a little. If it hadn't been for Sephiroth and Reno's intervention the cadet was sure he would have skewered the soldier with his own sword, the raven haired man stubbornly insisting that it was a good idea. Unfortunately the general and Turk had only been able to help so much, their attempts to calm the blonde working up to the point when they had confessed to not being around at all that night.

It was the feel of the train coming to a juddering halt which pulled Cloud back from his deep thoughts, the sudden stillness of the vehicle as everybody moved towards the doors letting him know they had reached their stop. Within seconds the small group was walking along the platform and making its way through the dark streets, the vaguely familiar surroundings actually helping to calm the blonde's racing heart. Soon the other cadet's were all laughing and chatting happily, their conversations about New Year resolutions and plans for the future quickly filling the cold night around them. Cloud remained silent and listened to it all, his own thoughts and feelings about the year ahead being kept safely tucked away where no one could see them. There was one cadet he didn't know who planned on meeting the girl of his dreams, the others laughing at the idea and of course teasing him that tonight could be the night. Jacob picked the obvious dream of wanting to be in soldier before the year was out, an aim that many of the others instantly agreed with. Brice had smiled brightly and informed everyone that he was hoping to be noticed by the Turks which of course had started a whole new conversation, one which thankfully Cloud had been able to avoid.

The subject had soon become quite a debated one and even after they had reached the bar and finished their first round many of the cadet's were still mulling over the differences between being a soldier and a Turk. The blonde tried to stay quietly hidden at the edges of the group but Jacob and Brice made a point of pulling him to the centre, their warm and friendly smiles appearing to offer reassurance as he was included in the conversation without being expected to speak. After a while the discussion moved on to their homes and the lives left behind, the conversation growing to include regrets each had now that the year was ending and there was time to reflect on the past. To Cloud's amazement Brice's regret had been that they had treated him so badly from the start, the cadet's words sounding so heartfelt and true that the blonde had been left speechless. The shook had not ended there as suddenly Jacob and some of the other cadets agreed with it, their unexpected apologies only adding to the blonde's already embarrassed state and causing his blush to darken even more.

Thankfully no one had teased him about the sudden change to his normally pale features, the others all seeming to understand and brushing it off as being due to the alcohol he had drunk. They had laughed off the sappy moment with jokes about needing more beer before things got to mushy and how they intended to be wasted by the time the New Year arrived. It was after this that Cloud began to join in a little more, his nervous state still noticeable as he tried to add to the conversations or answer questions which were directed at him. Strangely no one commented on his slow integration into the evening, nor did they ask why he was reluctant to speak about home or his personal life. Instead the other cadet's appeared to happily accept his quiet shy nature, almost as if they had been expecting it before they had even gathered that evening. It didn't take long for Cloud to feel comfortable enough to let his guard down, his cautious nature melting away so that he began to smile more and even allowed himself to laugh softly at some of the jokes being told.

Unlike the others the blonde had no intention of getting drunk, his plans to meet up with Zack, Reno and Sephiroth later requiring him to be sober enough to get home in one piece. However it wasn't long before some of the others began to notice his slower drinking than their own, the now slightly intoxicated youths quickly picking him up on it as they planned the next round.

"Come on Cloud." A boy called Jones called over. "You're already like a pint behind all of us."

"No, it's two." Jacob corrected, his faintly glazed eyes meeting with the blonde's now slightly panicked ones.

"It's fine, really." Cloud informed them, his head bowing down as he spoke.

"Not a big drinker?" A guy named Tom asked, his head nodding in understanding.

"Or maybe it's because Lieutenant Fair won't let him." A snide voice cut in before the blonde could reply.

Cloud felt his insides tighten as Zack's name was mentioned, as the sudden inclusion of the soldier made the conversation more interesting for the cadet's around him. The tiny seed of fear from earlier suddenly began to take root in his chest as their eyes all turned to settle on him, as Dean's question hug in the air unanswered and everyone seemed to hold their breath for his response.

"Well Cloud, is that why?" Tom asked, a little too eagerly for the blonde's comfort.

"I'm just don't drink much." The cadet replied hesitantly, the feeling of panic steadily growing throughout his body.

"Yea right." Dean spat in something close to disgust. "Or maybe it's because Fair won't let you."

"Is it part of your training?" Jones interrupted, his voice clearly revealing his excitement at the subject now being discussed.

"Yea Cloud, tell us about it." Another cadet named Karl spoke up. "What's it like having Fair as a mentor?"

It was as if someone had flicked a switch and suddenly Cloud understood what had happened, that he had been softened up to let his guard down, and that once again he was only at the party to be the entertainment. He could see it now, the similar questions hidden behind their eyes, the people around him wanting to know about his personal life. Cloud groaned inwardly as the mixed gazes of intrigue and curiosity bore into him, as each cadet beside him waited for an answer to confirm or deny the rumours they heard so often.

"I'd rather not talk about it." Cloud replied calmly, his voice somehow managing to conceal the storm of emotions raging within him.

"Come on Cloud, just tell us something." Jones coaxed, with an unpleasant insistency.

"Tell us about him, what's he really like?" Tom asked, with a disturbing keenness in his voice.

"How much does he help you train?" Karl spoke up, his question eliciting a bitter chuckle from Dean beside them.

"Yea Cloud." Dean taunted. "What's it like having the Lieutenant as a mentor? I bet he trains you real hard."

No one failed to notice how he mocked the word 'train', how his eyes and hand gestures implied that the word was a substitute for something else. Cloud felt his insides go cold, the dreaded turn of events making his heart skip a beat and then suddenly start racing within his chest. Slowly the blonde's head moved to meet Dean's face, silently praying that his own expression did not portray the panic now flowing through his body. The other cadet just stared at him and there was anger in his eyes, a dislike that Cloud was all too familiar with. The feelings of worry and anxiety quickly changed into irritation, the blonde quietly cursing himself for allowing it all to happen, as the need to run and escape burned painfully within his veins.

"He's my mentor." Cloud informed them all evenly, his anger helping to keep the fear from his voice.

"Come on, we all know you and the Lieutenant are more than that." Dean spat.

"He's my mentor." The blonde repeated firmly.

"Yea, right." The cadet sneered.

Another look revealed similar expressions of doubt for his words, the small group having already formed certain opinions which he had no way of fighting. It was at this point that Cloud decided he'd had enough and got up to leave, the situation now clearly revealing itself as the nightmare he had feared it would be. He had already moved a couple of steps towards the door before the others realised and one of them spoke, their words only causing his progress to falter slightly so that he could reply.

"Cloud you don't have to go." Jacob protested quickly.

"It's fine." The blonde replied flatly, his mood now obviously withdrawn and defensive.

"Just ignore Dean and have another drink." Brice added, the intensity of the moment causing him to sober slightly.

"I'd rather go." Cloud stated calmly, his expression now blank and all of his emotions carefully tucked away.

"But you were having a good time before." Jacob argued carefully.

"And we still have a couple of hours till the New Year." Brice added hopefully.

"I'm suddenly not in the festive mood, but you guys have fun, I'm going to head back." The blonde informed them, his body already turning away.

"Cloud ..."

"See you tomorrow." The blonde interrupted before Jacob could continue, his legs already carrying him towards the door and through it into the cold night outside.

The cadet didn't hesitate this time as he walked along the road, his body wanting to put as much distance between them and their questions as physically possible. It wasn't long before he reached the station and found himself standing on the empty platform, his feet having carried him towards home on autopilot while his mind was lost to troubled thoughts. Noticing that the train had yet to arrive Cloud crossed his arms over his chest and drew in on himself to keep out the cold, his weary breaths now visible as small white clouds escaping his body into the bitter night.

Sighing heavily the blonde allowed his thoughts to wander away from his own problems and to think about what the others were doing, silently hoping that their evening was going better than his own. He knew that they were not exactly to blame for having to work, that even Sephiroth had been unable to avoid this function, but somehow the reasons just didn't seem good enough anymore. The cadet knew it was selfish of him to want to be with them, to see the old year out and the new one in at their side. He felt the first tear escape and roll down his cheek, the single drop of water stinging his frost bitten skin as it met the cold night air. Cloud was so lost in his own thoughts of self-pity and loneliness that he didn't notice the small group of youths creeping up behind him out of the shadows, not until it was too late.

"Your wallet please." A threatening voice ordered causing the cadet to flinch.

"And anything else of value would be appreciated." A second voice mocked.

The cadet took one look around him and sighed heavily, his evening of supposed fun and merriment turning into the ultimate night from hell. Unfortunately the delay in his responding to their demands only angered the youths and deciding that he was taking too long one moved forward and landed a right hook to the blonde's jaw. Cloud felt his head snap round and his whole body being spun by the unexpected blow, his legs twisting awkwardly and resulting in him falling to the floor. The taste of blood in his mouth let him know he had been foolish, while the shooting pain in his wrist let him know he was in trouble. The cadet could only laugh at himself as the foot of a heavy boot caught him in the chest, and knocked the wind from his body, knowing that really he should have been prepared and able to defend himself.

The attack only lasted a couple of minutes as the group took what they wanted and then left him lying on the cold floor, his bruised and beaten body curled in on itself as he tried to breathe through the pain. By the time the train arrived he was on his feet again, his damaged wrist tucked in close against his chest and protecting the badly bruised ribs down one side. He had managed to wipe the blood off his chin, but the swelling of his spilt lip was now becoming noticeable as he tried to keep his head down. The ride back to the base was uncomfortable and nauseating, the constant rocking motions of the train jarring his ribs and making him hiss softly through clenched teeth.

It was with great reluctance that he made his way towards the infirmary once he was back on the base, the throbbing sensation in his wrist making him feel sick and the ache in his chest leaving him breathless. He had barely passed through the door when a familiar face greeted him, her cheerful smiling melting away as soon as she took in his pale and drawn features.

"Cloud honey what happened?" Rose gasped as she hurried forward.

"I got mugged." The blonde informed her, before sighing heavily.

"Where?" The nurse continued, already putting a protective arm around his shoulders and leading him towards a cubicle.

"At the station below the plate."

"What were you doing down there?"

"I was supposed to be having drinks with friends." Cloud replied, his tone at the word friends letting Rose know it hadn't ended well.

"Is this the friend you were here with before?" The nurse asked carefully, as she helped him to sit on one of the beds.

"No, he had to work so I went out with some of the other cadet's."

"Then he doesn't know you're here?"

"No and I'd like to keep it that way for now, please."

"Alright." Rose agreed, her reassuring smile slowly coming back into place. "Now let's take a look at you."

Between them they managed to carefully remove his jacket and shirt, the items of clothing being placed to one side as they took in the damage. Cloud knew that his ribs weren't broken but that didn't make the hurt any less, nor did it comfort him when he looked down at his arm and saw the new size and colour of the flesh just below his hand.

"It's broken isn't it?" He groaned wearily, as a wave of nausea swept through him.

"Maybe." Rose agreed, as she gently forced him to lie back on the bed.

"Will they heal it or leave it?" Cloud asked, his tone implying that he already knew the answer.

"You know they save the healing materia for soldiers and serious injuries sweety." Was the honest and apologetic reply.

"Great, just great." The blonde sighed in frustration. "I've already missed too much as it is."

"Well don't worry about that now. You just relax here and I'll get the doctor."

With a comforting smile and pat to his arm Rose left, her feet moving her quickly down the corridor to where the doctor would be found. A few minutes later and Cloud was being poked, prodded and pinched a he was examined, each part of the assessment on his injuries making the bruised areas sting and ache. The end result was better than he had thought, the doctor revealing the ribs to only be bruised as Cloud had predicted and the wrist only being severely sprained and not broken as he had feared. In one way the sprain would mean he would only be out of action for two weeks, some of which would still be vacation time, however it did mean that he would definitely not be getting the immediate relief of healing materia. Once the doctor had left Rose went about cleaning and dressing his wounds, her skilful hands working to treat the tender areas with more care than the trained professional who had just left.

"How's that?" The nurse asked as she lowered his aching wrist down on to his lap, the secure bandage now hiding the discolouration but not the obvious swelling.

"It still hurts." Cloud admitted, his whole body now feeling tired and sore.

"I'm sure we can get you something for the pain."

"Can I have something to help me sleep?" The blonde enquired hesitantly.

"You don't want to see in the New Year?" Rose asked in surprise.

"No." The cadet replied sadly. "I've had a horrible night and now I just want to forget about it."

"Aren't you going to meet your friend once he finishes work?"

"He's at the big party the president is having, I'm not sure when he'll be finished."

"I see. In that case I'll see what I can do."

With that Rose gathered up the things she had been using and left, her retreating figure once again leaving Cloud alone to his thoughts. Sighing heavily the cadet closed his eyes, the burning sting of tears threatening to escape and show his hurt and humiliation at what had happened. It was bad enough that he had been forced to go out with them but what hurt the most was that his instincts had been right all along, they had only invited him along for fun. Then there was the promise Zack had made about the holiday being something good for all of them, that they would make new memories together so that it was nothing like the experiences of his past.

Slowly the anger at being injured began to grow within the cadet, the tendrils reaching out towards Sephiroth and Reno as well, as he began to blame them all for abandoning him. The hurt and frustration soon began to warp the emotions within him, twisting and turning them until it was more than just the pain of his physical injuries and the shame of being beaten. Cloud knew it was stupid to blame Zack for what had happened, to make them all responsible for his failure, especially when it had been his own fault for not being able to defend himself. All too quickly the feelings began to change and soon the cadet was drowning in guilt at blaming the others, the self-loathing steadily building within his chest as he recalled all the taunting and teasing of the past which his weakness deserved.

"Cloud what's wrong?" Rose's voice cut in, her worried tone making him open his eyes and look up.

"I've had a really bad night." The blonde sobbed, as tears began to run freely down his ghostly pale cheeks.

The nurse's arms were around him in seconds and pulling him into a comforting embrace, one hand moving instinctively to rub gently circles along his back as she whispered soothing words of reassurance against his head. Rose held him tightly for a few minute as the small sobs rocked his body against her own, as the tears flowed silently down his face and soaked into her uniform. There was so much emotion being released in those tiny drops of water that she could actually feel it as each one was absorbed into the material above her heart. The cold dampness being created above the beating organ reminding her just how young and vulnerable the cadet's still were, especially the good ones like Cloud. It was only when he began to calm that Rose gently pulled back, her hands moving to his shoulders so that their eyes could meet.

"I have something to help with the pain and to help you sleep." She informed him gently.

"Thank you." The cadet murmured faintly.

"I want you to take them and then I want you to tell me everything." The nurse urged gently, her soft kind tone instantly reminding Cloud of his mother back home.

"Alright." The blonde agreed softly, his aching heart happily welcoming the comfort which was being offered.

Once both tablets had been swallowed and Cloud was settled on the bed he began to talk, his voice wavering through the tears as he recounted the nights events starting with the things leading up to it. He told Rose about some of the teasing which had been part of his childhood and time at ShinRa, then went over the accident which had supposedly changed that for him. The nurse listened as the cadet described the doubts he'd been feeling about the way the others now treated him, the constant worry that it was just too good to be true. It had nearly broken her heart when Cloud described the turning point of the evening, how his need to get away from the people he considered to be allies had left him vulnerable to the attack. It wasn't long before his words became softer and his eyelids began to droop, the sedative finally taking effect and forcing him to sleep. The sounds of people singing and muffled explosions were the last thing Cloud heard as the darkness carried him away, the world welcoming in the new year as he left it all behind.

Rose looked down at the sleeping cadet beside her and sighed, her caring smile slipping as she let her real emotions about what had happened begin to show. It didn't seem fair that such a good person could be hurt so much, that someone as kind-hearted as Cloud should be alone to see in the New Year. The nurse took one last look at the angelic face beside her, the idea forming in her head finding strength as she looked at the tear stained cheeks still pink and damp from his crying.

"Julie I'm just popping out for a bit." Rose called, as she made her way past the reception desk and towards the infirmary entrance.

"It's midnight Rose, where are you going?" The girl at the desk called.

"To find a soldier." The nurse shouted back, before she disappeared through the door.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

"How much longer do we have to stay here?" Zack asked, as he shifted restlessly again.

"Until the president leaves." Sephiroth replied, his body not moving like the soldier's but the tone of his voice revealing his own need for the party to be over soon.

"It's after midnight Seph, he'll be home soon and he'll be alone."

"I am aware of this Zack, but there is very little I can do about it."

"You're the general, can't you order me to leave."

"Under what grounds?"

"I don't know make something up."

"I'm sorry but there is no good reason for you to go right now, it would only raise suspicion."

"What about if I set off the fire alarm that would ..."

"Zack." Sephiroth warned, his eyes now levelling with the soldier's to make sure that his next words were listened too. "The problems of dealing with that would take longer to sort out than just waiting for this function to end."

"At least it would end." Zack grumbled, as he kicked at an imaginary bit of dirt on the floor.

"At least Cloud is with friends and having a good time." The general added gently, his tone softening as he took in the soldier's tired and frustrated expression.

"Yea, I guess you're right." Zack agreed half-heartedly. "You never know he might even be drunk and completely unaware of our absence."

"Cloud is not like you and Reno when it comes to drinking."

"But it is New Years Seph and he is out with the boys."

"Zack I am not allowed to dismiss you and all you are managing to do is give me more reasons to worry about him." Sephiroth pointed out in frustration, his eyes now glowing slightly in the dim light.

"I'm sorry." The soldier sighed, as he took in the concerned look. "I'm sure he drank sensibly and is either at home or almost home as we speak."

"And he will be tucked up safely in bed when we get home as well." The general concluded, as he tried to add more reassurance to their concerns.

The conversation between them was interrupted as one of the other guests approached, his wife blushing furiously as they introduced themselves and Sephiroth greeted both politely. Zack quickly pushed his personal thoughts aside and let his charming smile fall into place as he was introduced, his flattering comments towards the lady adding to her blush and creating an amusing giggle to escape her lips. It was at this stage in the introductions that the husband made a point of leaving, his look at the soldier not being a pleasant one as he steered his wife away.

"You always have that affect." Sephiroth noted calmly, as he watched them go.

"Yep." Zack agreed happily. "The ladies love me and the husbands don't."

"If only they knew they had nothing to be jealous of." The general mused thoughtful, a slight curve of his lips revealing his amusement to the soldier.

"But then we wouldn't have something to drive them away with." Zack replied, his own face now displaying a radiant smile as he tried not to laugh.

"Indeed." Sephiroth agreed, with a twinkle in his eye.

"What you guys looking so happy about?" Reno's voice cut in, as he appeared beside them.

"Zack's unique skills regarding crowd control."

"So that explains why the guy looked ready to kill you."

"I'm just doing my job and saying hello." The soldier replied a little too happily.

"Then perhaps you would consider greeting the guests in a different way so as to not upset them." Tseng cut in, his serious expression letting them know he was not impressed.

"Come on." Zack groaned, "Don't tell me you guys are happy with how everyone keeps ogling Rufus like he's a piece of meat."

"No, we are not, but we still understand the need to be discreet about how we manage the guests." The head Turk replied evenly.

The response which had been forming on Zack's lips died instantly when both a soldier and nurse he recognised appeared beside them. He glanced over at the women questioningly and noted the worry in her eyes, at first mistaking it for concern about being there, but then realising it was more than that. Before he could ask the soldier spoke, the familiar voice easily recognisable even as it was muted by the sound of the music.

"General Sephiroth, Sir." Kunsel stated by way of announcing his presences.

"Yes."

"I'm sorry to interrupt sir but I have a nurse here from the infirmary, she requires a word with Lieutenant Fair, Sir."

This instantly drew the small group's attention towards the women, each clearly seeing how she now trembled slightly under the intensity of their combined gaze. Zack smiled reassuringly as he noted how she still tried to hold her head high, the look of determination in her eyes making him even more curious about her presence.

"Thanks Kunsel." The soldier spoke up quickly, his lack of formality helping the nurse to relax slightly. "So Rose what can I do for you?"

"You ... you remember me?"

"Of course, I couldn't forget a pretty face like yours now could I?"

The delightful blush which crept over her cheeks was enough to make Zack ignore the slight groan he heard from Reno and the glare of annoyance he received from Tseng.

"So, what's up?" He asked again, as the small group began to shift restlessly.

"It's about Cadet Strife, sir." She replied nervously.

"Cloud!" Zack gasped, as his heart slammed into the walls of his chest. "Where is he, is he alright?"

"He's in the infirmary now and we've treated his injuries."

"What happened?" Sephiroth cut in, his question being the next one on Zack's lips.

"He was attacked below the plate while waiting for a train back to the base."

"The station? But shouldn't there have been guards there?" Reno asked in surprise.

"Yes." The general replied grimly. "And I will be looking into it as soon as this party is over."

"How is he?" Zack asked, the blonde's welfare more of a concern for him right now.

"He's stable but I thought you should be informed."

"Thanks, I appreciate that. Seph can I ..."

"Go." Sephiroth instructed instantly, his order cutting of Zack's request before it could be finished. "Check up on him and report back as soon as possible."

"Will do." The soldier agreed, before turning his attention back towards Rose.

The nurse bowed politely as she said goodbye and they left, their retreating figures being followed by the soldier who had escorted her in as he returned to his post. The general remained silent but his eyes watched them until they were out of sight, his owe heart aching at not being able to be at Cloud's side as well. It was only once they were gone that he let his gaze drift across to Reno and saw the same expression in the red heads eyes, the emotions of worry and guilt dancing dangerously close to the surface.

Unfortunately he was not the only one to see the flash of emotions in Reno's eyes, the head Turk now suitably unimpressed by the small show of weakness and vulnerability being displayed.

"Don't you have a job to be doing?" Tseng stated evenly, his eyes levelling with the red heads.

"I'm on it." Reno replied bluntly a second before he moved away, his face now a blank mask as he disappeared into the crowd.

Almost instantly the head Turk left as well, his own retreating figure moving him in the opposite direction and leaving Sephiroth alone to his thoughts in the crowded room. There was suddenly a very strong desire burning within him, the need to find Reno and somehow escape the prison the party had become. He sighed heavily knowing there was nothing he could do, that the situation was frustratingly out of his control. For a start he was not Reno's superior and did not have the luxury of being able to order him to Cloud's side as he could with Zack. There was also the problem of explaining the reason behind their need to check on the blonde, the relationship still being kept discreet and out of the public's eye for all of their safety.

It didn't take a genius to know that Sephiroth was not pleased about something and so most of the guests now chose to avoid him. The obvious tension in his shoulders mixed with the cold expression on his face and the mako glow in his eyes warning them to leave him alone. Pleased that there was no one else to distract him the general continued to watch Reno throughout the remaining time, his enhanced vision constantly picking up the flashes of bright red hair across the room. He smiled to himself knowing that the Turk was doing it on purpose, that if necessary Reno could be a ghost and go unseen by everyone. The fact that the red head was deliberately letting Sephiroth see him meant that he was silently conveying his own worries, the simple act of sight offering comfort when no other form was available.

Across the room the Reno watched as another couple moved further away from the general's presence, his body practically radiating the words 'leave me alone'. The Turk couldn't help but smile faintly as he noticed the obvious distance forming between Sephiroth and the other guests, his body now surrounded by an ever increasing clear space. The amusement quickly faded into an ache, the sensation quickly growing until it was like a stabbing pain in his chest. The red head sighed heavily as he scanned the mass of bodies in front of him, his mind only half on the job as he observed some of the guests starting to leave. A silent cheer sounded somewhere within Reno's head as he realised that people were going, that soon it would all be over and he could get to the infirmary.

Unexpected flashes of memories about the medical centre hit him like a tidal wave, images of the soldier lying pale and lifeless in a hospital bed making him choke on his own breath. The experience was still too fresh in The Turk's mind, the smell of blood filling his senses as if it were really there and making him gag. They had only just sorted themselves out after Cloud's stupid accident, then Zack had been seriously injured while on a simple mission and now once again the blonde was hurt after what should have been a fun evening out. In the back of his head he was screaming that it wasn't fair, that none of them deserved to suffer like this, that surely they had the right to be happy. The internal battle made his head spin and his chest tighten painfully, his heart tearing apart as he felt the sea of emotions wash over it. The sudden onslaught of feelings made the red head stagger, his legs momentarily loosing their balance and causing him to stumble against the wall for support. A silent mantra of 'it's not fair' played through his head, the words repeating over and over until Tseng's words cut through the noise like a hot knife through butter. Reno drew in a fearful breath and quickly gathered himself together, his eyes frantically scanning the room to make sure no one had seen him falter.

The sigh of relief that escaped his body was enough to draw the attention of a couple standing nearby and he shrugged apologetically before moving away. He ignored the curious gaze they gave him as he walked towards his next check point, the small perimeter he was assigned once again only receiving half of his attention. This time however it was not just thoughts of the others which clouded his mind but also Tseng's warning, the head Turks insistence that he sort his properties out burning through his head. Reno growled under his breath as he realised that he couldn't argue the man's words anymore, that there was no denying how the relationship was affecting his work, and how the constant incidents were starting to take their toll on him.

"Can't we have just one thing go right, please?" He asked the air, his request being given voice when it should have stayed quietly within his mind.

The expression on Tseng's face became grimmer as he silently drew away from Reno, his intention to check on the red head now being unnecessary. Of all his Turks Reno was the one who could pull of casual the best, his laid back attitude and appearance easily masking the trained fighter within. So when he had seen the younger Turk drifting through the crowd so carelessly he had assumed it was this relaxed facade being used. It was only now that he realised that it was no mask, that in fact Reno was once again distracted by his personal life. With a heavy sigh Tseng walked away before his presence was noticed, the other duties involved with providing security for the function giving him a good reason to avoid the subject until later.


	2. Chapter 2

**I love you guys and your wonderful reviews :o)**

**As promised here is part 2 and more will follow as soon as possible.**

**Again please read, enjoy and review.**

* * *

**New year - Part 2**

The heavy weight on Zack's shoulders began to lift as soon as sky blue eyes drifted open, the dazed orbs blinking several times as Cloud tried to focus on his surroundings. The soldier waited patiently for the cadet to wake properly, the extra few minutes being nothing compared to the torturous hours he had been sitting and watching the blonde sleep.

"Zack?" Cloud mumbled, his voice still thick from the drowsy state.

"Yea, I'm here?"

"How?"

"Rose came and found me. She told me all about it."

Instead of getting a reply as expected the soldier felt a stab of pain as Cloud closed his eyes again and turned away, the sudden tension in the blonde's body making him feel sick to his stomach.

"You're mad at me, aren't you?" Zack asked hesitantly.

Silence was his answer, the lack of words speaking volumes in itself.

"Look I'm sorry ok, I thought it would be different that ..."

"It's never different." Cloud spat back, his head turning slowly to face the soldier and his eyes now burning with anger.

"Spiky I ..."

"You what?" The cadet cut in sharply, his voice laced with pain and anger. "You wish you hadn't agreed for me to go with them, you want to say sorry for forcing me to do something I didn't want to do, you regret not being able to spend the time together like we said we would?"

"Yes." Zack replied bluntly, his own annoyance kicking in now. "I only accepted that invitation because I knew you wouldn't and I honestly thought it would be good for you, that you would have fun."

Once again there was only the quiet as Cloud closed his eyes and turned away, the sound of deep breaths letting the soldier know that the cadet was close to crying. The knowledge of this fact added to the knot already forming in his stomach and Zack felt the frustration melt way to be replaced by guilt again.

"I'm sorry." He whispered, his head bowing low even though Cloud couldn't see it.

"Just stop trying to run my life for me." The blonde replied, his voice still strained but quieter now.

"I don't mean to." The soldier replied with concern. "You know that, right?"

"Yes." Cloud sighed heavily, his eyes opening to look at Zack once more. "But you need to understand that I can make my own decisions about these things, that I don't need you to do it for me."

"You're right and I'm not going to argue with you, but just think about it for a minute. You were having fun until that one cadet got to nosy, at least that's what you told Rose."

"I don't want to think about it."

"But you were having fun."

"Damn it Zack they were playing with me or don't you get that? Whatever happiness I felt was only done to get me to relax around them so they could ask about us."

"I can't believe that all of them would do that."

"For the sweet love of Gaia." Cloud growled, the scowl on his face looking even more disturbing due to the marbling of colours around his jaw and the swollen lip. "Are you deliberately being dim or just naturally stupid?"

"Hey." Zack protested defensively. "I know you're upset but..."

"Upset! Upset! I'm more than upset!" The cadet shouted, his body suddenly rising up from the bed as he turned his full rage on the soldier. "I told you what would happen, but would you listen? No you didn't, you didn't listen."

The quick, sharp movement had not been a good idea and neither had the deep breathes and shouted words, the resulting combination causing a stabbing pain to shoot across the blonde's bruised ribs.

"Spiky?" Zack asked with concern, as he slowly rose to his feet and moved to stand beside the cadet.

"It hurts." Cloud breathed through gritted teeth, as he tried to hold the injured area protectively.

"You need to calm down and take small slow breaths."

"I'm trying." The cadet managed, with more than a hint of annoyance in his voice.

"Squeeze my hand, it will help you focus past the pain." The soldier instructed calmly, as he carefully took hold of the blonde's undamaged hand and held it gently.

A moment later and Cloud's fingers were entwined with his, the thinner digits clenching down around his own and crushing the joints together almost painfully. Zack grimaced at the unexpected sensation but kept the small protesting voice locked safely away, the discomfort being one he could tolerate as long as the cadet was allowing contact between them.

"Slow breaths." He reminded the blonde gently, his words being repeated softly in a calm soothing voice until Cloud could breathe more comfortably.

"Is everything alright over here?" Rose asked as she slowly came into view.

"I think so." Zack replied hesitantly, as he looked up and saw the various faces now watching them.

"I brought something for the pain." The nurse continued as if accepting his words, the very obvious fight between them being politely ignored for their benefit.

"Thanks." Cloud managed as he accepted the offered medication and swallowed it, the need to use his uninjured hand forcing Zack to let go.

"Lieutenant Fair, could I have a word with you please?" Rose asked calmly, her tone implying it was not a request he could refuse.

"Sure, no worries. You'll be ok if I'm gone for a minute, won't you Spiky?" The soldier enquired uncertainly.

"I'm sure I'll find some way to survive." The cadet retorted evenly, his sarcastic tone letting them know that the argument was far from over.

Rose waited until they were a little way down the corridor before she stopped and turned around, her eyes quickly levelling with Zack's before she spoke.

"The idea was to make him feel better, not upset him and aggravate his injuries."

"I know and I'm sorry." The soldier apologised, as he ran his fingers though his hair in frustration.

"It's not me you should be saying that too." Rose noted evenly.

"I know, I know. I really screwed things up us this time, didn't I?"

"You did what you thought was best and once he has calmed down he will see that too, but right now he is hurting and sometimes it's hard to see past the pain."

"You're not just talking about the bruises are you?"

"No." The nurse agreed gently, her hand resting on his forearm in a comforting touch before she continued. "I only know what he told me but even I can see that what happened has opened up some old wounds. They're not something I can heal, but somehow I know you can."

"You're right." Zack replied after a moment, a plan slowly forming in his mind. "And I think I know just how to do it."

XXXXXXXXXXX

Sephiroth scrolled through his messages again until he found the one he wanted, his fingers quickly pressing the keys necessary to display the message once more.

_**He's fine, just a bit bruised.**_

_**I'll take him home, meet us there later.**_

The general sighed as he let the words sooth his aching heart once more, the worry for his blonde becoming somewhat of a distraction as he tried to find out who was responsible. He had already read the message over a dozen times since receiving it, the short lines of text giving more comfort than he could have ever thought possible. There was still an anger burning inside him, a need to make someone suffer for letting it happen in the first place. But each time he felt the need to rip something apart he would look at the message again and feel calmer, his body relaxing as it absorbed the fact Cloud was safe and alive.

Sephiroth flipped the phone shut and lent back in the chair, his head relaxing against the material and his eyes sliding shut as he drew in a deep steadying breath. A small part of him wondered what Hojo would say if he could see him now, the great and might general reduced to a bag of nerves because one of his lovers was injured again. For the briefest of moments the thought brought a hint of bitter amusement, the odd humour of the situation giving him a reason to smile faintly, before it was very quickly washed away by the seriousness of the incident. Sephiroth's eyes opened and he looked down at his phone again, his fingers already moving to open it before he stopped them. He couldn't keep doing this, letting his personal feelings interfere with his job, it was a weakness a ... human weakness.

The general suddenly felt his heart skip a beat, the living organ practically kicking him in the chest to remind him it was there, reminding him that yes he was human and not some lab experiment that the crazy professor had raised. Sephiroth smiled as the feelings of hurt and worry began to fill him, as his concern for the ones he loved and their safety began to make his heart beat faster. It was as if someone had turned a light on or opened a door in his mind, the tightness in his chest mixing with the other sensations and making him realise that he was now experiencing emotions which he had never thought possible. The smile wavered as the various sensations played out through him, the positive mixing with the negative making him feel both happy and sad all at once. He briefly wondered what Zack would say if he knew, what any of them would say if they knew. A knock at the door brought his attention back to the matter at hand, his assistants voice interrupting his thoughts and causing his controlled mask to slip effortlessly back into place.

"Come in." He called absently, as he gathered a small pile of papers together and the expected visitor entered his office. "Take a seat, we have much to discuss." He informed them coolly, his eyes now hard and deadly serious.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Reno sighed heavily as he unlocked the door to his apartment and dragged himself inside, the long night finally having come to an end with the president, Rufus and the remaining guests eventually leaving in the early hours of the morning.

The red head groaned as he made his way through the small living room and towards the bathroom, his need for a shower outweighing anything else for the time being. He had been wearing the same clothes since yesterday morning, the items having been on his body for nearly twenty-four hours now and starting to feel like an uncomfortable second skin. His jacket, shirt and trousers hit the floor almost as soon as the water was running, the underwear coming off only seconds before he climbed under the welcoming spray.

Hot water poured down over his weary body and this time Reno sighed in relief, as the dirt and grime was washed away from his tired and aching limbs. He stood for a few minutes simply letting the spray work itself along his back and shoulders, then gradually tilted his head back so that it could run through his hair. Slowly the red head turned his body to face the shower and bowed his head forward, the new position allowing the water to run down over his face, the steady stream now washing away the tears which had begun to fall from his eyes.

He bit back the feeling of helplessness which coursed through him, the knowledge that once again someone he cared about was hurt and he had been powerless to help them. For a long time he remained there, his hands flat against the wall to brace his body as it gently shock from the soft sobs which escaped his lips. The tears never had a chance to be seen as they silently fell and other than the sounds of his distorted breathing no one would have known he was crying, because Turk's didn't cry.

Eventually he calmed enough to pull himself together, the need for a drink giving him something else to focus on. A few minutes later and the red head was dry and dressed, his tired and weary body slumped on the sofa as he poured himself a glass of something strong. Reno watched as the caramel coloured liquid left the bottle and steadily filled the glass in front of him, the contents almost to the brim of the tumbler before he stopped. With a flick of his wrist the bottle was sealed again and placed on the small coffee table, the hand now changing its hold on the bottle for one on the glass. Trembling fingers gripped the cool smooth surface and rose the edged to his lips, the Turk taking a deep breath before he titled his head back and swallowed three mouthfuls in quick succession.

The alcohol was like an acid as it burned down his throat and into the pit of his stomach, the innocent looking liquid in fact a form of lava as it burnt a hole through to his core. The experience was not a new one for Reno and so he took the pain as he had expected it, the welcoming discomfort giving him something else to focus on. He drew in a gasping breath and closed his eyes as the sensations made them water, the leaking fluid being allowed this time because it was due to the drink and not something else. It didn't take long for his body to remember the feelings associated with this drink, the one Reno saved for special occasion or really bad days. Within a minute the initial pain had faded and the deep warmth began to spread through his body, the unconventional pain relief having the desired effect as the Turk lent back and allowed a heavy sigh to escape his lips. After a moment Reno sat up and looked over at his phone, the small device still lying silently where he had placed it after arriving home but now flashing to show that he had a message.

Reluctantly Reno reached forward and picked it up, his mind wanting but also not wanting to know who it was from or what it was about. He had already received a message from Zack saying that Cloud was alright, that the blonde was simply bruised and a little sore after his ordeal. It was because of this message that he had come home to shower, his need to relax and get some sleep being more practical than sitting around the infirmary and drawing unnecessary attention. The message turned out to be a voice mail, and Reno rubbed at his tired eyes as the process of retrieving it was undertaken, the monotone voice asking for his pin number before he could find out who had called and what it was about. The instant he heard Zack's voice a small knot was forming in his stomach, his body reacting instantly as he began to doubt his earlier decision, a part of his mind now screaming that he should have gone straight to them after being dismissed. The panic however quickly faded as the soldier began to speak, his calm but tired voice revealing there to be no need for worry or distress over the content of his message.

"_**Hey Reno, guess you're busy or something. Uuummm." There was a short pause in the soldier's words and Reno could almost see him trying to work out what to say next, the visual image making the Turk smile faintly as he gave up trying to keep his eyes open and let them close. "As you can imagine he's pretty annoyed at me, well us, but me mostly. Anyway, they're letting me take him home in a bit and I was thinking that maybe later we could all get together and try and have a New Years thing for ourselves. What do you think? Yea, I know what you're thinking it's not exactly the same thing but it's the best I can come up with so give me a call when you can." **_

The message ended and Reno cut of the automated voice before it could start listing off his options of save or delete, his tired mind already past the point of caring. With a heavy sigh he placed the phone back on the table and rose to his feet, the decision to call back later being one he accepted easier once he had finished off the contents of his glass. A few minutes later and he was tucked up in bed, the sheets drawn tightly around his body as he slipped away into a deep and troublesome sleep.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Sephiroth was not happy, the intense glow of his mako enhanced eyes letting anyone who passed him know this fact without having to ask. His investigations had revealed that the small groups of soldier's who had been assigned guard duty at the station had for some unknown reason been reassigned to the party, a fact he had not been made aware of. He still couldn't work out if the anger he felt was because the changes had been made without his consent or because they had resulted in such a serious incident. The fact the victim of the attack was someone he cared deeply about was just another insult to the injury and he was going to make sure that someone paid dearly for it.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

It had taken a couple of hours for Rose to get Cloud released, under the condition that he would be staying with his mentor while he recovered, and the doctor insisting on giving the cadet one last examination before they were allowed to leave. The only benefit to the extra poking and prodding was that the blonde had been prescribed some extra painkillers and a couple of sleeping pills to take if needed, the gladly accepted medication making the uncomfortable process almost worthwhile.

The silent walk back to Zack's apartment had been more than awkward, the tension between them still very evident to the few people who they passed along the way. Thankfully most cadets and soldiers were still recovering from the various parties which had taken place and only those with duties to attend to were actually up and walking about. It was however more than Cloud was happy with, the ones who did see them openly staring at his bruised face and bandaged wrist in surprise, their eyes taking it all in and silently asking what had happened. The cadet knew that he would once again be the topic of discussion on the base, the pathetic little cadet who had spent New Year's in the infirmary because he was attacked and too weak to defend himself. The thoughts only added to the anger which burned within him, the idea of them laughing at his pain adding fuel to the fire and making it even stronger.

For once Zack had enough sense to not touch Cloud as they walked along, his usual behaviour to throw an arm casually across the blonde's shoulders now being one he avoided like the plague. To say that the cadet was still upset was an understatement, the sensations of hurt and anger practically rolling of his body in waves. The soldier looked up from the floor where he had been keeping his gaze and stole a quick glance at Cloud's expression, the brief look being enough to make him shudder inside. The blonde's face was paler than normal and the ugly discoloration of the bruised jaw only made his complexion even more unsettling. Then there was the cadet's mouth, the normally temptingly soft and kissable lips drawn in a tight line and mirrored by a continuous scowl across his forehead. But the feature which really made Zack cringe was Cloud's eyes, the normally bright blue vibrant spheres now glowing with a repressed anger.

It was no surprise when they reached the apartment and the blonde walked straight into the bedroom slamming the door shut behind him, the action clearly relaying a message the soldier had picked up long ago. With a deep sigh Zack removed his boots, belts and other items of clothing until only his trousers remained in place, the cool apartment air caressing his exposed skin and feeling good. It was only then that the soldier realised that he had been wearing the same clothes for over a day, the experience not being a new one but still as unpleasant as all the other times. Knowing there was nothing else he could say or do to calm Cloud down Zack made his way towards the bathroom, the promise of a hot shower at least offering some comfort after the long night he'd had.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Reno knew he was dreaming, that the nightmare was not real, understood that there was no way in hell he could be back in that horrifying situation again so soon. He looked around the area which should have been their camp and watched as the soldier's fought and the cadet's laid down covering fire. The red head couldn't believe his eyes and ears as the sensations of that night began to fill him once more, the feeling of dread and fear flowing through his veins as he relieved the experience again. The Turk turned around in a circle where he stood, his senses straining amongst the warring figures to locate the one he needed to find. Instead he saw a shadowy form moving towards the choppers and felt his heart skip a beat, his mind recalling the destroyed vehicles from before and forcing his legs to carry him towards them.

Again a small part of him acknowledge that it was all a dream, that none of it was real, but it was as if he had no control over how his body moved. He knew that he was more than dreaming the incident now, his unconscious mind somehow reliving it in a way that allowed him to direct his own actions. Reno moved just as he had that night, his speed and agility helping him to cover the distance quickly and easily as he approached the enemy. Again a part of him was aware that he had done this before and that it hadn't ended well, the unspoken reminded forcing him to move faster and reach his target so that this time it would turn out differently.

The ground shook as the explosion ripped one of their vehicles to pieces, the blast throwing Reno to his knees as flames instantly filled the air around him. For a brief moment he couldn't breath as the intense heat burnt his throat, the black smoke filling his lungs and making him choke on the toxic clouds. A part of him shouted to get up and move, while another part of him was screaming that he had failed to stop it happening once again. It was then that he heard a second voice shouting out to him and the red head looked up, his blurry vision clearing enough to see a raven haired soldier fighting his way through the bits of wreckage. A warm trickle made its way down his arm, tickling the hairs as it passed over them, and Reno looked down to see the small piece of shrapnel now embedded in his pale flesh. The pain was intense but he bit past it as Zack appeared and grabbed him round the waist, the sudden tightness and lifting action not only pulling him out from amongst the burning debris but crushing his bruised ribs.

"Damn it Zack, put me down." He shouted, the soldier ignoring his words until they were a safe distance away.

"You're hurt." Was the blunt reply, as he was finally allowed to stand on his own two feet.

"It's a scratch, I'll live."

It was only when he shoot an angry glare at the soldier that he realised he was not the only one to be hurt, the bloody wounds on Zack's body revealing his own injuries.

"Shit Zack, your bleeding too."

"I'll live." The soldier replied humorously, the glowing violet eyes letting Reno know that they were as bad as each other.

"Good, then you can get this piece of fucked up metal out of me." The Turk joked as he held out his arm, the vague recollection that none of it was real still lingering in his head.

"It's gonna hurt like ..." the dream Zack warned, the conversation only slightly altered from the one they'd had before.

"Just do it." Reno snapped back, his anger easily covering up for the pain and fear he was feeling.

A quick tug on his arm left him biting back a small cry, the sound escaping as a venomous hiss and nearly choking him as he tried to draw breath again.

"Better?" Zack asked, his voice less amused now and more concerned and annoyed.

"Much." Reno retorted, as he clamped a hand down over the shallow wound.

"You need to get the cadet's and injured soldiers out of here."

"That includes you right?" The Turk asked, a small voice already telling him what the answer would be.

"No, not enough vehicles to get us all out so I'm staying with the reaming troops till help arrives."

"But you're wounded."

"They're scratches, I'll heal."

"Zack I ..."

"Save it Reno, you're the only one able to get them out of here so you know what you have to do."

The words were just as he remembered them, the insistency and logic of the order making his own personal feelings seem selfish.

"Fine, but if you get yourself killed I'm going to find a way to bring you back so I can kill you myself."

"Noted." The soldier replied, this time his smile being a genuine one.

"We need to hurry before they come back and try to take out the second chopper." Reno noted, a part of him knowing that they would indeed be back once he was gone.

"I'll sort that out, you get patched up so you don't pass out from blood loss while flying."

"Sure I ..."

This time Reno's voice was not cut off by the soldier but by his own throat closing up, the words dying before they even had a chance to be spoken as he looked up from his arm. Instead of facing Zack he was now looking at Cloud, the injuries which had been on the soldier's body now being displayed on the cadets. Where sun-kissed skin had been painted crimson there was now ivory flesh, the contrasting colours of red and white even more disturbing to his vision. The once violet eyes which shone brightly with mako were now shimmering blue, the clear irises glowing like sapphires as they displayed the purity of his body and the lack of mako in his system.

"Cloud, what? How?"

"You left him behind Reno, how could you leave him behind?"

"I ... I had too." The Turk replied, his heart now racing frantically in his chest as he struggled to breathe.

"Would you leave me behind?" The blonde asked, his voice so sad and helpless that Reno felt something inside of him break.

"No I ... I could never ..."

"But we all have orders to follow." Cloud whispered back, his voice fading to nothing as he fell forward into the red head's arms.

"Oh Gaia." Reno choked, his body now shaking as he tried to turn the lifeless form around so he could see it better.

His breath became desperate gasps as he fought to stay calm, his sense of control completely gone as he took in the sight of empty blue eyes. The smell of burning metal and flesh filled his nose, the sound of the fire eating away at the destroyed equipment filing his ears, the trace of blood drifting in the air to be tasted like a bitter poison. All of it began to fade away, the world of chaos falling apart until it was only them, the lifeless expression on Cloud's face making Reno's blood run cold and his own heart stop beating.

"He is your weakness." Tseng's voice cut in, the sudden intensity of it making Reno look up.

"No, no he's not." The red head protested angrily, as he drew the limp body in tighter against his own.

"Then why are you crying."

"Because this isn't real, it's a fucked up dream and I can cry if I want to."

"You are a Turk, you are not allowed to show such weakness."

"I'm also human and I have feelings." Reno shouted back.

"Yes, you do, but in this job you don't have the luxury of having those emotions."

"You're just jealous of what I have." Reno roared, the words he had wanted to shout so long ago now being given a voice in this place of nightmares.

"Really?" The dream Tseng asked curiously.

"Yea, really." The red head challenged, as he carefully lowered the cadet's body to the ground.

Once Cloud had been carefully positioned onto the blood soaked grass, and his now dull and faded eyes were closed, Reno stood to face the head Turk. He could feel the rage like a storm within him, the repressed emotions all finding a focus in this place of dreams as his hands clenched into fists, the grip so tight that his nails had now dug into the palms of his hands and made them bleed.

"You won't take them away from me." Reno growled, his voice a threatening whisper in the dark which now surrounded them.

"I never intended to take them from you." Tseng replied evenly.

"But you wanted me to give them up."

"They make you weak."

"No they don't." Reno retorted, as he took a step forward.

"Really?"

Before the red head could reply the darkness melted away to white, the sounds and smell of the infirmary filling Reno's senses and making him stagger. Once again the smell of blood was in the air, the metallic scent of copper mixing with the antiseptic stench and making him gag. The Turk felt himself stagger and lent against a wall for support, his legs nearly giving out on him as he tried to stop himself from being sick. He had barely regained his footing when hands grabbed his shoulders and pulled him forward, the rough grip spinning him effortlessly to face a glass wall which had appeared beside them

"Look Reno, look at what you don't consider to be a weakness." Tseng ordered him acidly.

The red head went to protest the abuse, his body readying itself for a fight he wasn't sure he could win but was about to attempt anyway when he stopped. His eyes widened as he took in the sight on the other side of the wall, the transparent surface allowing him to see the infirmary room they had all slept in that night. Once again Zack was in the bed, his pale and drained face reminding Reno had close it had been, and Cloud's fragile body lying peacefully beside him. The red head felt the anger drain away as he watched the pair sleep, his eyes also taking in Sephiroth's unconscious form beside them, their gentle breathing and curled up bodies letting him know they were alive and well.

"I have the right to be happy." He reminded the head Turk without looking back.

"I can accept your relationship with a soldier and I can even tolerate your involvement with the general, but not with the cadet."

"Why?" Reno asked, the question being one he had asked before.

When no rely came the red head turned around, his mind reeling at the fact he was now standing in Tseng office where they'd had the same conversation only a few weeks ago.

"The first two are stronger and able to take care of themselves, the mako in their bodies making them harder to kill and in turn less of a distraction for you."

"Cloud will be like them soon, once he gets into soldier and ..."

"Do you really think he will be a soldier?" Tseng asked, the irritation very evident in his voice now. "He is small and frail, these are not qualities ShinRa looks for in its soldiers."

"He's stronger than he looks, you of all people should know better than anyone not to judge a book by its cover."

"What I do know is that he has become a distraction, that his injuries and weaknesses are becoming yours. I will not have one of my men make a mistake because of someone else."

"I don't have to listen to this again." Reno announced, his body already moving towards the door.

The dream Tseng didn't argue as he turned away, the head Turk remaining still and quiet as the red head yanked the door open and stormed out. The conversation had ended differently to how it had been before, with Reno being able to argue and leave when he wanted and not feeling trapped until Tseng had finished with him. Except this time instead of leaving the office and heading back to his own desk the young Turk found himself in a field of flowers, the colourful petals stretching out for miles around him as far as the eye could see.

"What the ..." Reno began before a soft laughter filled his ears.

The red head turned and looked towards where the sound had come from, the flowers no longer present behind him but replaced with a the wooded landscape from the VR training room. Reno head the sound again as it echoed amongst the trees, except this time he also caught a flash of gold in the bright sunlight and gave chase. Just as it had been before the red head followed the lithe body with ease, Cloud's supple figure moving like water between the trees and managing to avoid him each time he made a grab for the cadet. But this time it was different in that he could never get close enough, that for some reason he was always just one step behind and never able to catch up properly.

"Cloud!" he called, hoping that in some way it would draw the blonde's attention.

Instead the cadet moved away faster and disappeared within the trees, the flashes of gold vanishing completely as the woods became darker and more threatening.

"Damn it Cloud, where are you?" Reno shouted breathlessly as he came to a stop, his legs now shaking from the chase.

It was only now as he drew in deep breaths and tried to calm himself that he saw the four white objects just ahead of him, the evenly spaced markers protruding from the ground and making his stomach turn to lead. Reno felt the bile rise in the back of his throat as he took in the sight of the grave stones, the hand crafted white marble slabs clearly visible as the markers of four separate graves. Slowly Reno moved forward, his need to know somehow outweighing the need to run away as he felt himself being dragged by an unseen force towards them. It was only as he drew closer that the red head noticed that the stones were not the same as he had first thought, the similar shaped material being white for all four but the colour of the veins running through them each being distinctly different. The one on the far right had streams of gold running through its form, the one beside it having black and then the next silver, the colours being pure and untainted by any other as they wove themselves through the unblemished white slab of rock. Reno didn't need to look at the names engraved on the stones to know who they represented, the colours easily identifying each of his lovers perfectly by the similarity of their hair colour. A deep feeling of sickness filled Reno's body as he looked towards the final stone, the fire red veins of colour running through the smooth polished surface letting him know exactly who the grave was marked out for.

"He will be their downfall and he will also be yours." Tseng voice repeated softly in his head, the words like slivers of ice in his heart.

"No." Reno shouted, as he turned away from the haunting sight of what might be. "He's going to be something special one day, someone who makes a difference in this world, you wait and see."

"Are you willing to bet your life on it?"

Before the red head could answer he felt himself being pushed roughly, the sudden forceful motion making him lose his balance and fall backwards. Instinctively the Turk flipped himself over and put his arms out, the limbs quickly bracing for the impact of hitting the floor and ready to throw him back up and onto his feet. The only problem was that the ground behind him no longer existed, the earth just in front of his own grave stone now a dug out pit which he was falling into.

"Tseng, no." Reno shouted as he fell down into the cold damp earth, the head Turk's grim expression being the last thing he saw before he woke up.

The impact of the floor made the red head cry out, his sweat soaked body so tangled amongst the covers that he wasn't able to prevent himself from landing awkwardly. It took Reno a couple of minutes to pull himself together as his heart raced in his chest and he drew in desperate gasping breaths of air. The world was spinning around him as he fought to regain control of his senses, as he struggled to work out that he was now awake and not trapped in the nightmare anymore. He continued to lie still as he looked around himself, the familiar surroundings of his apartment coming into focus and reminding him of where he really was. Slowly Reno began to move and untwist the damp sheets from around his body so that he could get up, the process being a little more painful than he had expected. A sharp pain in his left shoulder and hip announced that he had landed on them badly after falling out of bed, the embarrassment of this fact somehow hurting more than the injuries themselves.

"So stupid." He scolded himself, as he finally worked his way free and shakily rose to his feet.

With a weary sigh he ran his fingers through wet tangled hair, the action allowing his body to stretch and some of the tension to be eased out of his shoulders. The hands slowly made their way through his hair and then back round to his face where they moved down over his tired features applying a small amount of pressure as they went. The actions allowed him time to take in a deep breath and let it our slowly, the process once again adding to calm his shattered nerves. Instead of allowing his limbs to fall at his sides Reno placed one hands on each hip, the fingers curling round the edges of his waist as he lent back and heard the joints pop in protest.

Once the kinks had been worked out the red head opened his eyes and looked around his room, the dishevelled bed clearly showing how disturbed his sleep had been. Memories of the graves and Cloud's bleeding body made his own begin to shiver, the nauseous feeling returning almost instantly as he tried to clear his mind of the haunting images. Within seconds Reno could feel the dull pain of a headache coming on, the throbbing sensation slowly building in his skull and making him curse softly. He bowed his head and rubbed his temples to try and relieve some of the discomfort, the action doing nothing but causing him more irritation and in turn more discomfort.

With a frustrated sigh the Turk gave up and made his way from the bedroom, the bottle of alcohol still sitting where he had left it on the coffee table. Half a glass later and Reno was feeling better, the burning in his chest happily distracting him from the other hurting body parts. Another half a glass and even that was gone, the liquid with a content high enough to strip paint being welcomed as it concealed the pulsating pain behind his eyes. As the warm glow spread though his veins the Turk placed the empty tumbler on the table and turned towards the bathroom, a desperate need to clean the unseen blood from his skin drawing him towards the shower once more.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you again for all of your wonderful reviews and I'm really happy to know that so many of you are enjoying this story. **

**I had a review from Creative Spark asking how many chapters there are for this instalment and wondered if anyone else might be thinking the same thing. In total there are 5 chapters, which means that after this one there are only two more. Once they are all posted I will be starting work on the next 4WS story :o)**

**As always I hope you enjoy what you read and be kind enough to leave a review.**

* * *

**New year – Part 3**

Zack didn't even realise he had fallen asleep, not until the hesitant tapping of someone knocking at his front door brought him snapping back to reality. There was a notable gasp from the raven haired soldier as he jumped at the unexpected interruption of his dreams, his body almost falling off the sofa from the sudden jerking movement. It was only when the cautious sound came a second time that Zack realised what had woken him, his calloused hands now trying to rub the sleep from his bleary eyes as he staggered towards the source of the noise. He was still half asleep when he opened the door and came face to face with two very embarrassed looking cadets', both of which looked like they were ready to pass out at any second. The soldier blinked a few times as if to confirm that the boys were really there and not a figment of his imagination, the possibility being quite high based on the lack of sleep he'd had the day or was that night before. There was a minute of silence as he looked at both of them questioningly while running a hand through his tousled hair, the gravity defying spikes bouncing back to their self appointed places easily. Eventually the silence wore down the last of his patients and he sighed heavily before speaking, the simple action appearing to make the cadet's even more anxious.

"Ok, so does someone want to explain why you knocked at my door or am I supposed to guess?"

"Ummmm, sorry Sir, we didn't mean to ... disturb you."

The soldier raised an eyebrow curiously and then noted how the boys were trying desperately to not look at him, their eyes fighting with the need to be respectful but also not to stare. Looking down at himself Zack could see why they might be uncomfortable, the young cadet's not really used to seeing soldier's in their apartments let alone in casual clothes and especially if they were only half dressed. It was at this point that the soldier was glad he had bothered to put the old pair of jeans on after his shower, the item of clothing in need of a wash itself but still covering more than the towel would have.

The cadet's simply stared speechlessly as they took in the sight of the soldier, his body practically glowing as the light played off the well defined muscles of his chest and arms. The exposed skin appeared flawless as it drew tight over his toned frame, the gentle ripple of flesh as he moved drawing the boy's eyes over Zack's body so that they looked at him in awe.

"Is there something I can help you with?" The soldier asked, his humour at their stunned expressions distracting him from the mild irritation of having been disturbed.

"We were ... that is .... uuummm ..."

Zack now lent against the door frame and smiled in amusement, his relaxed posture helping to ease some of the boy's worries but not helping them to feel calmer about what they were trying to ask.

"We didn't mean to disturb you but we ... we looked everywhere else first ..."

"And this was the only other place left to check."

"For?" The soldier enquired, half guessing who they were looking for now that the words had started to flow between them.

"Is Cloud ... I mean is Cadet Strife here, Sir?"

"Cloud is here and try not to call me sir on my day off, it just feels plain weird."

"Yes Sir, I mean sorry Si,... uuummm sorry."

Zack bit back the laughter which flowed through him and instead allowed it to be released as a soft chuckle, his bright smile and cheerfully glowing eyes levelling with the boys to show that there was no offence taken.

"Yea, he's here, but he's sleeping right now."

"Oh." One of the boys said, his tone sounding somehow relieved and disappointed all at once.

"Don't I know you two?" Zack asked, the familiar faces now niggling at his mind.

"Yes si ... I mean yes. I'm Jacob and this is Brice, we met after Cloud's ... accident."

"Oh yea, that's right. You guys are the ones he pushed out the way." The soldier stated casually, his eyes instantly picking up the way both boys flinched at the reminder. "So what do you need Cloud for?"

"We uuummm ... we heard about ... what happened and ..."

"And came to see for yourself." A bitter voice cut in, making all three of them jump.

"Damn it Spiky, you really got that sneaking up on people thing down to a fine art." Zack joked, his attempt at humour falling flat as Cloud's expression remained cold and hard.

"Maybe if you weren't so busy talking about me you would have noticed." The blonde snapped back, his icy tone reminding Zack why they had been avoiding each other.

"Jacob and Brice only asked if you were here, they've been looking for you."

"Why?"Cloud asked bluntly, his gaze now moving towards the pair in the doorway.

If the cadets had looked nervous before they now looked down right scared, their eyes looking at everything and anything except the blonde as they struggled to find the right words.

"Maybe you guys should come in so you can talk more comfortably." Zack suggested, as he took a step back and gestured for them to enter.

There was a moment of hesitation where both boys looked at each other questioningly, their gazes drifting to Cloud's as if silently asking his permission as well. The soldier noted how the blonde also reacted to the gesture in surprise, the brooding anger within his eyes flickering uncertainly as he was met with the unspoken request. To Zack's relief Cloud nodded and turned away so that he could move back into the living room, his retreating figure being followed by the two cadet's who now entered the apartment.

"Can I get you guys a drink?" The soldier asked politely, the small glare he got from the blonde letting him know that while the pair were welcome into talk they were not guests who were welcome to stay long.

Luckily Jacob and Brice saw this as well and quickly declined the offer, their polite responses being mumbled and slightly flustered as they tried to think of a good excuse to cover for it. They did however take a seat on the sofa when it was offered, their eyes still looking around the apartment in amazement, their expression being very similar to one Cloud had worn on his first time as well. The thought brought a small smile to Zack's face, the faint curve of lips lasting only a minute before the blonde was glaring at him again.

"Ok, so I guess I'll leave you guys to chat." The soldier mumbled, as he suddenly realised that his presence was no longer required or wanted.

Unfortunately when it came to places to go within the apartment which offered privacy, there weren't that many to choose from. The kitchen was obviously out of the question, as it was part of the same room, and while the bathroom was an option hiding in there would just seem strange and a little weird. In the end there were only two suitable rooms left to choose from, the guest bedroom and the master bedroom. Knowing that the cadet's would expect Cloud to be using the guest bedroom Zack made sure that he entered the master bedroom, his mind already racing over what the cadet's could want to talk to Cloud about. As a result he carefully closed the bedroom door almost all the way, a tiny insignificant crack allowing the sound of their voices to drift in easier and him to hear every word clearly.

"So what do you want?" Cloud asked coldly, the tone being one Zack had never heard from the blonde before and making his stomach clench tightly.

"We ... we heard about ..." The first cadet began, the words faltering as he found himself staring at Cloud's injuries.

"We heard about the attack and wanted to make sure you were alright." Jacob finished for him, his own eyes trying to not stare as well.

"Who told you?" The blonde asked, his ability to ignore the looks he was getting being an easy one to do after years of practice.

"Sergeant Shaw did. He came into the dorms this morning and started asking us all these questions."

"He said that you had been attacked last night and wanted to know if we had seen or heard anything."

"Why ... why would he do that?" Cloud asked, his voice slipping as a hint of distress began to creep in.

Inside the bedroom Zack was now silently pleading to anything that was listening, his lips moving in desperate prayer as he hoped the next answer would not be the one he feared it was going to be.

"He was following General Sephiroth's orders as part of the investigation into it."

"Yea," Brice continued, not noticing how Cloud's face had now completely drained of colour. "He's pretty mad that the guards on duty were reassigned and left the position unfilled."

Inside the bedroom Zack had allowed his body to slump onto the bed in defeat, a few faint curses being allowed to pass over his lips as his suspicions were confirmed. It was bad enough that they had screwed up by making Cloud go, that he had been hurt as a result of their actions and was currently mad at them. But to add insult to injury there was now an investigation into the incident, something which he knew would only draw more attention to what had happened and cause more problems. The soldier could already see the blonde's face in his mind, the enraged blue eyes glaring at them all as he refused to talk to them ever again.

"Even Sergeant Shaw was annoyed that you had been attacked." Jacob spoke up, somehow hoping that this fact would ease Cloud's rising dread.

"That's right, he said something about you being unable to attend classes for at least two weeks."

"I can go to classes, I just can't train." The blonde corrected firmly, his determination to not miss out on everything letting Zack know it was a discussion they shouldn't even bother to try and have with him.

"Did you really spend the night in the infirmary?" Jacob asked hesitantly.

"Yes, I did." Cloud replied bluntly, his anger at them now returning and giving him something to hold onto.

"That really sucks." Brice announced without thinking, his words dying as he received a glare from both Cloud and Jacob.

Inside the room Zack was silently thinking that the cadet was either very brave or very foolish, but also silently pleased that he wasn't the only one who sometimes spoke without thinking.

"So how did you know I was here?" The blonde asked, his even tone being more unsettling than the angry one.

"We checked in the infirmary as soon as we were dismissed but the nurse said you had been released."

"Then when we checked your dorm room and found it empty we ... well we guessed you might be here."

"I see." Cloud responded blankly, the few words and lack of emotion not giving the other cadet's much to go on.

For a few minutes they sat in silence within the room, the blonde no longer fidgeting but standing still and the other two boys now moving uncomfortably in their seats. Inside the bedroom the soldier waited with baited breath, his heart pounding loudly in his chest as he listened desperately for someone to speak.

"Cloud?" Jacob began, his eyes glancing at Brice before he looked back towards the blonde.

"Yes."

"We didn't mean for any of that to happen."

There was another pause as they waited for Cloud to respond, their uncertainty about how he would react very evident now. It was only after he remained silent for another minute that they spoke again, that this time Brice addressed the issue they were dancing around.

"We didn't know Dean was going to act like that."

"It doesn't matter." Cloud sighed, his body now slumping wearily back against the kitchen breakfast bar.

"Yes it does." Jacob spoke up quickly. "We felt bad about the way we treated you before and wanted to start the New Year fresh."

"Why?"

"Because we were idiots before and we wanted ... well we hoped to start over."

"It doesn't matter." The blonde repeated, his defeated voice saying more than words ever could.

"But it does matter," Brice interrupted. "We wanted to make you feel like part of the group but instead you ended up alone again."

"Like I said last night it's fine, I'm used to it."

"No one should be used to being alone Cloud."

"It didn't seem to bother you before." The blonde retorted, his emotions now see-sawing between the anger and hurt.

Inside the bedroom Zack was still lying on the bed, his hands now covering both eyes as he silently prayed again. This time the words were not aimed at some higher being but at Cloud himself, the silent pleas begging the cadet to not say something he might later regret and consequently blow this opportunity of friendship. The soldier continued to whisper the words as he strained to listen, his body remaining firmly in place, knowing that if he interfered now it would only do more harm than good.

"We were jerks before, we know that now." Jacob replied calmly, his eyes meeting with Cloud's to show that the words were genuine and heart-felt.

"You saved our lives that day, even after everything that we did." Brice added softly.

"It was a simulation exercise, no one's was supposed to get hurt." The blonde reminded them, his good hand now moving up to grip the other elbow.

Neither cadet failed to notice the way Cloud now unconsciously hugged himself for comfort, how his arms were drawn tightly together over his chest, even though it was obviously causing him a small amount of pain. Thankfully both knew better than to ask if he was alright, the pair quickly realising that drawing attention to it would probably only anger Cloud more. Instead they chose to continue with the conversation and pretend his reaction hadn't been noticed, both silently thankful that at least he was willing to listen to them for the moment.

"No they weren't but ... but even then you still pushed us out the way." Jacob continued calmly.

"You saved our virtual butts even though we hardly spoke and we had been so ... so cold towards you."

"I didn't really think about what I was doing." The blonde admitted with a small shrug. "I just saw the danger and instinctively moved to save you."

There was a short pause in the conversation as the cadet's looked at each other, the pair on the sofa tearing their eyes away from Cloud's sincere ones to meet and share a stunned expression.

"You mean you would have done that for ... for any one of us?" Brice asked in disbelief, his wide eyes clearly revealing his shock at the confession.

"Even after all the pranks and the teasing and ... well and everything?"

"I guess." The blonde sighed, as he looked away from them and out through the apartment window. "It was like a reflex reaction to the situation, it didn't matter who needed saving."

"Wow" Brice breathed heavily, as he blinked and scratched nervously at the back of his head.

"What?" Cloud enquired, as he took in the pairs stunned and speechless expressions.

"You would risk your life for ... for people who ..." Jacob began, his question being hard to ask without bringing up the obvious discomfort they had caused the cadet over the previous months.

"I would do what's right, whoever that person was." The blonde interrupted, his voice now sounding tired and ready to end the conversation.

"You're a better man than some." Brice stated firmly, his expression grim as if he knew more than he was letting on.

"I only did what everyone else would do." Cloud pointed out offhandedly, his eyebrows rising when he saw the shameful expression on the other boys faces.

"That's just it." Jacob spoke up, his voice wavering as he realised the significance of what he was about to say. "I don't think everyone else would."

"But ... but some of you would, right?" The blonde managed, as he watched the embarrassment play across their faces.

"Maybe?" Brice murmured, before Jacob sighed and spoke up.

"We sort of talked about it when you were still ... recovering and the whole troop sort of got into this big debate about what you did and well it ... it kind of ..."

"It made everyone realise that this isn't a game, that people are going to get hurt and that we need each other."

Inside the bedroom the soldier was lying very still on the bed, his heart beating a little faster as he listened to the boys describe something which he knew they would have had to face sooner or later. It was something he had debated with Sephiroth and Angeal many times before, the lack of guidance and support given to prepare the cadet's for the experiences of real combat. Sure you could teach them to fight and defend themselves, you could even give them the sensation of pain from injuries received during training, but there was never anything done to make sure they understood what to expect. Zack sighed as he remembered the commander's words, the cold hard truth being that there was never a way to prepare someone for that. From his own experience he knew Angeal was right, his first taste of real combat still a fresh memory that would sometimes come forward even now many years later. But this near fatal accident had given the small group a taste of reality, a snapshot image of what might lay in store for them, and it had been enough to make them understand. Back in the living room he could hear the boys talking again, with Cloud now sounding confused and flustered by the way things were going.

"But ... but it was never a ... a game."

"Maybe not a game then but it still wasn't ... it didn't seem real, not until you got hurt like that."

"So what you're ... playing ... at being soldiers?" Cloud asked in completely shook.

"No, no we're not saying that." Brice replied instantly, his body now snapping upright as he realised how it had sounded.

"What we're trying to say is that we're training to be in soldier but we never thought about what it actually meant. I mean you hear all the good stuff about it, all the benefits of being one of the best, but you never think about the possibility of being ... well of being killed."

"A soldier would have been able to walk away from the accident." Cloud noted evenly.

"Yea, but you're not a soldier and you still took the chance. Even if it hadn't ended as disastrously as it did you would have been dead, I mean the system would have registered it as a killing blow."

"You saved our virtual butts by risking your own and like we said before, there aren't many people who would do that."

"Especially for people they don't ..."

The sharp jab of Jacob's elbow into his ribs was enough to cut Brice off before he could finish the sentence, it was just unfortunate that it was not quick enough to have stopped him sooner. The unspoken words hung in the air between them like a poisonous cloud, the implication of what he had said letting Cloud know that had the roles been reversed he would not have been saved.

"I see." The blonde whispered sadly.

"It's not like that Cloud, honestly." Jacob almost pleaded as he moved forward, his nervous body barely on the seat now.

"Then what is it like?"

"We ... That is Brice and I were talking and unlike some of the others, who insist they would have done the same thing, we realised that ... well that we ..."

"We admitted to each other that we would have hesitated in your place, that if things had been different we would have ..."

"You would have let me get crushed." Cloud finished for them unhappily.

Both boys nodded and bowed their heads shamefully, the agreeing murmurs which left their lips being barely audible in the now silent room. With the pair on the sofa looking intently at the floor and the blonde staring out the window once more none of them noticed the soldier re-enter the room, his footfalls barely sounding on the carpeted floor as he moved to stand beside them.

"You know it actually takes a lot of courage to admit something like that." He informed the cadets, his soft smile being aimed more at the startled boys while his eyes were all for Cloud.

The blonde looked at the silent words being communicated within the violet orbs and sighed heavily, the truth in what Zack had said making it harder for him to be angry.

"I guess." Cloud replied, his acceptance of the fact helping to ease some of the tension in the air.

The soldier watched as the pair on the sofa looked at each other then towards the blonde, the boys clearly having a silent conversation of their own about what to do next. As if sensing the same thing Cloud spoke up first, his question being one which surprised all of them.

"Is that why you invited me out, because you felt ... guilty ?"

"Sort of." Brice admitted unhappily.

"As we said it's sort of a bit of everything." Jacob added. "We realised what idiots we had been and what a good friend you could be if we ... if you gave us a chance."

"A new year and a new start, for all of us." Brice reinforced, his eyes meeting with Cloud's as he spoke.

"I thought that had all been a lie." Cloud whispered, unable to meet their eyes any longer.

"Why?" The cadet's chorused in surprise.

"Because it's been done before." The blonde replied sorrowfully, his gaze now fixed on the carpet at his feet.

The boys once again began to shift restlessly, the memories of past incidents at the very beginning of their time as cadets now coming forward. Both could recall the few times Cloud had been manipulated in that way, the recollection of the experiences making each feel even more guilty than before.

"I guess that explains why you reacted the way you did." Jacob noted sympathetically. "I mean we didn't exactly stop Dean."

"No, you didn't." The blonde responded bluntly.

"We admit we were curious," Brice began, then seeing the soldier raise an eyebrow curiously he quickly added. "But it's none of our business so we should have stopped him."

"And we should have gone after you, tried harder to make you come back."

"I didn't exactly give you a choice." Cloud reminded them with a sigh.

"No, but even if we couldn't have convinced you to come back we could have at least made sure you got home safely."

"You couldn't have known what would happen, none of us could." The blonde said unhappily, his body instinctively hugging itself as the memories of the attack made him feel queasy again.

"You ok?" Zack asked, his voice and body forcing themselves to give the impression of being a caring mentor and nothing else.

To the soldier's relief Cloud actually shook his head and mumbled that he wasn't, that the painkillers were wearing off and he felt ill again. The admission of this fact gave Zack the perfect opportunity to suggest that the other boys leave and come back another time, a proposal which they didn't hesitate to agree with. They apologised once more before leaving, their eyes observing how the blonde was now developing a grey complexion and looking like he was about to pass out. Their concerned expressions remained on him as the soldier escorted them towards the door, his reassurances that Cloud was going to be fine only easing a small portion of their worries. It was only when he shut the door that he began to doubt his own words, the look on the blonde face now making his own stomach twist into tight knots.

"Spiky?"

"I'm going to lie down." Cloud informed him faintly, his blue eyes remaining focused on the floor as he walked towards the bedroom.

"It took a lot for them to come here and apologise like that." Zack spoke up quickly, his words halting the cadet's progress across the room.

"I know." The blonde responded without looking up.

"They seemed sincere about it." He continued carefully.

"I guess." Was the offhand reply.

"Cloud I ..."

"Zack I'm really not feeling so good." Cloud interrupted suddenly, his eyes only flicking up for a moment to let the soldier see the truth of the words.

"Ok, get some rest. We can talk about it later."

There was no sign of agreement to this statement from the cadet, no words or actions which displayed an acceptance of his wishes. Instead Cloud crossed the remaining space in silence and disappeared into the bedroom, this time shutting the door softly behind him as he disappeared inside. Zack groaned into the palms of his hands and felt the frustration rising up like a wave and crashing over his body, the sensation causing his hands to drag down along his face and form tight fists at his sides. There was nothing more he wanted to do than start shouting and breaking things, his body now a mass of mako fuelled tension that needed to be released. Knowing there was only one way he could burn of the energy without destroying his apartment the soldier made his way into the spare bedroom and grabbed a dirty t-shirt from the washing pile. A few seconds later and he was wearing the item of clothing, his body now completely covered as he put his boots on and prepared to go out. Taking a hesitant breath he knocked at the bedroom door and waited for a reply, his heart aching when none came even though he had half expected that to be the case.

"Hey spiky, just wanted to let you know I'm popping out. I'll be back in a bit."

He let a long breath when no answer came, his hand hovering over the door handle while his mind debated over whether he should go in or not. It only took him a few seconds to decide it wasn't a good idea, that either Cloud was once again ignoring him or had indeed fallen asleep because he wasn't well. To be on the safe side he wrote a quick note and left it lying on the kitchen worktop, the need to get out now burning through his veins and eating away at his already strained nerves.

Inside the bedroom Cloud listened intently as Zack moved about, his ears straining to hear what was happening outside the room. Unlike the soldier he was not able to pick up everything that went on but he was able to work out when the soldier left, the sound of the front door shutting being unmistakable in the now silent apartment. Groaning softly he rolled over onto his uninjured side, the process initially pulling on his bruised ribs but then helping to relieve some of the pressure once he was off his back. Once again his bandaged hand moved to curl up over the delicate area on his chest, the limb feebly trying to protect and ease some of the discomfort being felt there. It wasn't long before Cloud felt the effect of the sleeping pills kicking in, the medication mixing with the pain relief and allowing him to drift off into a deep and dreamless sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**This chapter has a guest appearance of Angeal for everyone who's been asking. It's not a big part because the story wouldn't allow for it so please forgive me, but I will try to include him again in another instalment in the future.**

**Please remember to review and let me know what you think :o)**

* * *

**New year – part 4**

While Cloud slept the others were all attempting to deal with the emotional fallout of his attack, the three men each choosing to coup with the situation in their own way. For Sephiroth it was by finding out who was responsible and making them pay, a task which he had very quickly become carried away with. For Reno the bar was working out to be a good place to get over it, the copious amounts of alcohol helping to numb his thoughts so that memories of his dreams and real life no longer bothered him so much. Out of the three Zack had chosen the least hazardous way of dealing with the emotional rollercoaster, his decision to use the VR room keeping him away from public eyes and not drawing more attention towards the incident. He had just finished with a small group of sharp teethed furry things when a familiar voice called out from behind him, the sound making the soldier jump as he spun round to face the smiling figure.

"Angeal, you could give a guy a heart attack doing that."

"Only if he is not paying attention to his surroundings." The commander noted humorously, his eyes darting to behind Zack and making the soldier glance over his shoulder.

The sight of another pack of four legged monsters greeted violet eyes, the creatures already advancing towards them for the next attack. Zack grinned and the mako green within his shining spheres intensified, the reaction causing Angeal to hum curiously.

"You mind if I take this lot?" The soldier called out, as the first creature roared announcing its immanent attack.

"Go right ahead." The commander replied calmly, his larger frame already leaning against a nearby tree so that he was out of the way.

"Thanks." Zack called out, as he ran forward to meet the oncoming assault.

It was a couple of hours later that the program ended and both men made their way out of the room, their bodies covered in a fine layer of sweat and their breathing a little faster than normal due to the difficulty of the level they had just undertaken.

"So I'm guessing he's still mad at all of you." Angeal noted, as they made their way down the empty corridor.

"Who?" Zack replied innocently, his hands digging into the pockets of his jeans to keep them still.

"You know exactly who I mean."

"Can't I just be getting a bit of extra training in?"

"I might have believed that if it wasn't for all the evidence to prove otherwise."

"Like what?" Zack challenged curiously.

"For a start you're in casual clothes and not your uniform, not the best choice of attire for taking on virtual beats."

"They could be in the wash."

"Ok, but you also forgot your sword and had to use one of the practice ones and that's not like you."

"Maybe I didn't feel like carrying it around." The soldier argued weakly.

"You also seemed to be burning off a lot of frustration in there, something you were doing a lot when he was hurt last time."

"It's not as bad as last time, at least not in that way."

"Then the rumours are true?"

"What rumours?" Zack asked, his chest already tightening at the thought of what new story was making its way around the compound.

"That Cloud was attacked and spent last night in the infirmary."

"Yea, that's true."

"So for once the gossip network has something right." Angeal noted with a tilt of his head, the faint smile on his lips showing amusement at the fact

"I guess."

"So how bad is it, and be honest."

"He'll be alright in a week or two. The split lip will heal quicker but the bruised ribs and sprained wrist will take longer."

"If they are his only injuries then he was lucky."

"Tell me about it." The soldier sighed, his shoulders slumping forward. "Luckily all they wanted was his wallet but what if ... if ..."

"What if they had wanted something else?" Angeal finished for him, the possibility being one neither he nor Zack could say out loud.

"Yea, that's ... that's what's got me so ... so wound up."

"I thought it might be."

"You did?"

"Yes and you are not the only one to be experiencing the same emotional turmoil over what happened."

"So Seph's gone a little nuts as well?"

"In his own way, yes." The commander replied smiling faintly. "He is pushing quite hard to find out who is responsible."

"Damn it, I need to find him." Zack sighed, as he stopped walking and quickly took note of where he was, his mind already processing how to get to the general's office from their current position.

"I have already spoken to him and pointed out that he is drawing too much attention." Angeal reassured the soldier calmly.

"But did he listen?"

"To the part where I explained that it would only cause Cloud more trouble, however he is still determined to work this out."

"You know it's already drawn attention thought, right?"

"How do you mean?" The commander enquired, as they remained where they were and Zack began to shift restlessly in front of him.

"Two of the other cadet's came to mine today to talk to him, they wanted to apologise for what happened."

"They were responsible for the attack?" Angeal gasped in disbelief.

"No, not exactly. They were part of the reason he left early and ended up there alone, I guess they felt bad about it."

"It was honourable of them to apologise like that."

"Yea, I thought it was pretty good of them as well and I think Cloud accepted it."

"Has he spoken to you about what happened?"

"Not much, I found out most of it from what he told Rose."

"Who?"

"The nurse who took care of him. She's actually got a soft spot for the little guy after he helped out that night when I ended up in the infirmary."

"I remember that night, but not the nurse." The commander noted grimly, his own memories of the night making him feel unsettled.

"I guess she was busy or just left us alone. Anyway she was the one who came and found me after he was sorted out, told me everything he'd told her."

"But now he won't speak about it?"

"Nope, not a thing. I can't work out if it's because he's mad at us for setting him up or if he just doesn't want to deal with it."

"It could be both."

"And yea, it could be both." Zack agreed with a sigh.

"I must confess I am curious why he would talk about it with Rose and not you."

"She has this mothering vibe about her, it's kinda cool really. Anyway I guess after everything had gone to hell Spiky needed that and so opened up to her."

"At least that is something."

But before the soldier could respond another voice spoke up, his sudden appearance behind them making both men jump.

"Zack, what are you doing here?"

"Damn it Seph, not you as well." The soldier gasped, his heart now pounding frantically in his chest. "It's bad enough when Angeal sneaks up on me, I don't need you doing it as well."

"You should be more aware of your surroundings." Sephiroth noted with a sigh, the action drawing a soft chuckle from the commander.

"I said exactly the same thing only a few hours ago." Angeal explained, as he took in the questioning look being directed at him.

"A few hours ago, then you have not been at your apartment?"

"No Seph I haven't, I needed space and so did he."

"Then he is alone?"

Neither soldier nor commander failed to notice the worry now evident in the general's eyes, his body and evenly spoken words somehow betraying nothing of the obvious concern held within him.

"Yea and trust me that's a good thing right now." Zack continued, his choice to ignore the poorly concealed emotion being one Angeal was silently pleased with.

"How can it be a good thing?"

"Because he knows that everyone else knows what happened and he's pretty mad."

"But how?"

"Your investigation raised some interest my friend." Angeal spoke up, his warm smile attempting to offer some comfort to the now clearly anxious general.

"I only did what was necessary. I would have done the same for any other cadet in that position."

"Well unfortunately Spiky doesn't see it that way."

This time there was no disguising of Sephiroth's reaction to Zack's statement, the soldier and commander watching in amazement as the normally controlled general sighed heavily and raised a hand to massage the bridge of his nose.

"How ... upset is he?"

"I'm not sure exactly, but I get the feeling we're both going to get the silent treatment for a while." Zack replied wearily.

"In that case I will leave you both to it." Angeal spoke up, his faint smile letting the pair know he was sympathetic to their predicament.

"Sure and thanks for earlier, it was good to work out together."

"Yes it was pup, just like old times." The commander agreed happily.

Sephiroth couldn't help but smile at the reaction he observed from the use of the soldier's nickname, the one word still able to make Zack blush and scratch at the back his head in embarrassment. Even Angeal seemed to brighten more as they both watched him shift self-consciously in front of them, his concerned expression melting away to reveal the heart-warming grin that they had both grown to cherish in their own way. It was only then that the general realised the smile had not been there before, that the small curve of lips he had originally seen had been a mask to hide the soldier's real feelings. A rush of sadness made its way though Sephiroth's body as he began to understand that he had failed to notice this, that it was Angeal and not himself who had seen through the facade and tried to heal the unseen wounds. It was something that he had sworn he would never let happen, a promise he had made to his friend soon after becoming involved with both Zack and Cloud. Yet now as he stood facing the commander he saw no anger reflected in the man's eyes, no hate or disgust to add to his already guilt ridden heart.

"Angeal I ..."

"It's alright Seph," A warm and caring voice cut in, the soft brown eyes now locked on his own and offering nothing but friendship. "Relationships are hard enough when there are only two involved, the fact you have chosen your first serious commitment to be with three other people still amazes me."

"It indeed provides many challenges."

"But you have to admit that the perks make it worthwhile, right?" Zack asked with an impish grin, the mischievous glint in his eye causing the general himself to blush a little.

"Go now, both of you, before I hear something I have no wish to hear." Angeal gently ordered them, his hands rising in mock surrender as he took in Sephiroth's flushed cheeks and tried not to smile.

"Oh come on Angeal, I know you want to hear all about ..."

"Zack!" The commander and general called out in unison, their combined warning making both look at each other in mild shock.

A soft chuckling sound made both men turn to face the soldier again, the amused glow in his eyes letting them know he had only been teasing and that he had clearly enjoyed the reaction it had received.

"I have told you often enough pup, what you do in your personal life is up to you. So long as none of you kill each other I am happy to be oblivious to it all."

"I know, I know," Zack offered by way of apology. "It was just too good an opportunity to miss."

"As your superior officer I should punish you for such insolence." Sephiroth noted, with a small smirk which the soldier instantly picked up on.

"Promise." Zack replied playfully, his eyebrows rising to show that yes he had meant it to be taken that way.

"Gaia help me." Angeal burst out, as he slapped his hands over his ears and began to walk away. "I do not need to hear this."

The solder and general watched him go with equal expressions of amusement on their faces, the sight of Angeal holding his palms firmly against his head drawing soft laughter from both men.

"Come on." Zack said with a faint sigh, once his old mentor was out of sight. "We really do need to be going."

"Indeed." Sephiroth agreed, as they both began to make their way towards the soldier's apartment and their waiting blonde.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

With a deep sigh Reno swiped the key card through the scanner and waited, the faint click of the lock letting him know that the door could be opened. Hesitantly he pushed at the hard surface and felt it move under his touch, the inside of Zack's apartment slowly becoming more visible as it swung open. With another sigh the Turk entered and closed the door behind him, taking his time to kick off his shoes before walking into the living room where he knew they would be waiting.

To his surprise the red head found only two of his three lovers seated in front of the TV, the soldier and general both looking tired and weary.

"Hey." Zack greeted without looking round, his eyes fixed firmly on the screen in front of them.

"Hey." The red head replied, as he slumped into one of the spare chairs.

"You have been drinking." Sephiroth noted, his voice holding a touch of concern as he took in Reno's dishevelled appearance.

"Couldn't sleep." The Turk informed them offhandedly, his attention becoming focused on the programme they were watching.

"Want to talk about it?" The soldier asked with a touch of concern, his interest in the documentary no longer important compared to the state of the red head beside them.

"Not really?" Reno grunted, as he shifted to adjust himself into a more comfortable position.

The soldier and general exchanged a look which debated over whether to push the issue, a shrug of shoulders from one and rolling of eyes from the other resulting in both leaving it. With the subject being allowed to drift away all three men turned their attention toward the screen, their eyes now focused on the presenter and what was being shown while their minds clearly raced over other matters. It was Reno who eventually broke the silence between them all, his question being asked casually but clearly being filled with repressed concern.

"So, how's he doing?"

"Don't know." Zack replied evenly, once again not looking up.

"He's not here?" The Turk questioned in surprise.

"He is here, but is not talking to us." Sephiroth noted, the tone of his voice showing he was not happy about this fact.

"Still? That must be a record even for him." Reno joked, his genuine laughter helping to ease the building tension and even cause the other two to smile as well.

"Yep, he's really going for it this time." Zack agreed with a dry chuckle.

"How long's it been since you actually tried to talk to him?"

"A few hours."

"Maybe I should check on him." The red head offered, his body already dragging itself from the chair to stand properly.

"Good luck." The general mumbled, much to the Turk's surprise and the soldier's amusement.

It was Zack's soft laughter which followed him towards the bedroom, the sound fading as both men on the sofa pretended not to watch him knock on the door. They all held their breaths and waited for a reply, the combined intake of air making the room suddenly feel very suffocating. It was no surprise when no one responded, when their own silence was only met with more from the person in the other room. With a soft sigh and a shake of his head Reno opened the door, his body moving on some sort of autopilot as he entered the bedroom and closed the door behind him. In the living room Zack and Sephiroth watched him go, their hearts beating a little faster as they waited for him to either be accepted or kicked out again.

It took Reno's eyes a minute to adjust to the dark room, his vision slowly adapting to work out the faint outlines of the furniture around him. The large bed in the centre of the room was one of the first things to become more visible, the lump on one side clearly showing where Cloud was currently lying beneath the sheets. The Turk didn't bother speaking even though he knew the blonde was awake, could tell from the way he had been ignored outside that he would only receive the same treatment now. As if hearing his very thoughts the cadet's body curled up on its side a little more, the slender form drawing in on itself and further away from him. Reno sighed softly and moved around to the other side of the bed, his slow progress being followed by Cloud who now held his breath completely.

"Man what a day, I'm beat." He said casually, as he stopped beside the empty side of the mattress.

It didn't take a genius to know that Cloud wasn't happy with him being there, the sudden tension in the cadet's shoulders making it very obvious. With a small shrug the Turk pulled back the sheets and climbed onto the bed, his body lying flat on its back as he settled himself and drew the blankets back up to cover his lower body. Once again Reno dismissed the less than subtle gestures that his company was not wanted, the unspoken words and silent signals for him to go away being completely and happily ignored.

"So how has your day been?" He asked, not actually expecting a response and continuing without waiting for one. "Mine was pretty rough so I'm just going to crash here for a bit, maybe get some sleep."

As if to emphasis this point he shifted a little, carefully stretching and flexing his muscles so that he was more comfortable without actually moving the mattress and causing Cloud any discomfort.

"Man I hate night shifts, they really screw with your sleep pattern." He began, his mind barely processing the words before they were spoken. "Do you know some of those higher ups didn't go until like four of five this morning? Even then Tseng didn't let us go straight away, made us check everything once more before clocking off."

He paused only briefly to see if there was a reaction from the cadet, the lack of one being taken as permission to carry on.

"So I finally got back to mine a couple of hours later and had a shower, felt good too after all that. I mean don't get me wrong, I love a party as much as the next man but not when I'm working. Anyway, after that I was pretty tired so I crashed for a bit, yo."

Again he waited briefly as he drew in a slow breath, the quiet room offering no indication that the blonde was accepting his presence but also none to show he was being rejected. Taking it as a good sign the red head continued to speak, his thoughts now whirling through his head like the beginning of a storm.

"Actually I sort of wished I hadn't, not the best dreams to be honest." He confessed sadly, the change in his tone finally having an effect on the cadet's posture.

Reno pretended not to notice the way Cloud's body uncurled a little, how the blonde's shoulder titled back slightly so that he could hear better. He knew that drawing attention to it would result in him being shut out just like the others and it was not something he was going to let happen.

"Unfortunately I didn't have you guys to make me feel better, if you get what I mean, and so I ended up having a few drinks."

"Smells like more than a few." Cloud mumbled, his sarcastic comment trying to sound uncaring and failing miserable.

Reno smiled as he picked up on both the concern and curiosity in the cadet's voice, the words also showing acceptance of his company and being a small comfort in itself.

"Well I didn't have you guys around to distract me." The red head joked, his small chuckle sounding a little strained even to him.

"What was it about?" The cadet asked carefully, his body not moving so that it remained facing away.

"It doesn't matter." Reno sighed as he rubbed his finger tips over his closed eyelids, the action trying to wipe away the slight wet heat which indicated that tears were forming there.

"It does if you had to get drunk over it." The blonde pointed out bluntly, his tone letting the Turk know that the conversation between them could break down at any moment.

"It was about you." Reno admitted before letting out a long breath, his moment of silence giving Cloud time to absorb the words.

"And it was a bad dream?" The blonde asked, as if to confirm the earlier statement.

"Yea." The Turk agreed softly, his voice dropping to a low murmur.

"What ... what happened?" Was the whispered response, the hesitant question being asked almost fearfully.

Reno didn't answer straight away, his mind now a full blown tornado of memories and emotions as it assaulted his senses and brought the nightmare back to him in full force. In a vain attempt to cut the images from his sight the red head closed his eyes and drew in a shaky breath, his attempt to focus on something else failing miserably when Cloud spoke again.

"Reno?"

"Yea" The Turk replied, almost choking on the word.

"Please tell me."

Reno groaned inwardly as the softly spoken words begged him, the request being one he couldn't ignore or refuse in his current state. If Cloud had simple asked like the others, or even demanded it from him, then the red head could have refused easily out of shear stubbornness. Instead the worry and fear in the words broke through his defences and into his heart where it forced the truth to be revealed, the blonde's desperate plea instantly drawing the painful dream back to the surface.

"It ... it didn't start with you, it started with Zack." Reno began, his voice now sounding quiet and almost hollow as he spoke. "We were on that mission, the last one when ... when he got hurt."

There was a notable pause as the Turk drew a steadying breath before continuing, the action making Cloud worry even more so that he now rolled over onto his back to look at the red head beside him. The blonde ignored how the sudden movement had jarred his ribs slightly, his wounds and the reason for them no longer seeming so important compared to Reno's obvious pain. What the cadet now saw was someone he cared about suffering, the paler than normal features of the man lying next to him only adding to his concern as the Turk continued to speak.

"You know those dreams where you're sort of in control, at least you think you are but in a way you're not?"

"Yes." Cloud agreed softly.

"That's what this dream was like. I wasn't just ... seeing it again but actually reliving it." Reno informed him sadly. "A part of me knew it wasn't real but it all felt ... it was like I was there again, except there were differences and then it changed."

"But I wasn't there, so how could you dream about me?" The cadet asked nervously, his blue eyes now completely focused on the red heads closed ones and wondering what he would see if they opened.

"At first it was like I was reliving the attack on the camp but somehow I could remember it happening, like a major case of Déjà vu, and tried to do things I hadn't done the first time. I don't know maybe I was trying to make up for my mistakes or something. Does that make sense?"

The question however was not one Cloud was meant to answer, his lips closing again as Reno continued with his tale without waiting for a response.

"Anyway it turned out pretty much the same with Zack ordering me to leave except when I looked back at him it was you and all his injuries were on your body, your cadet uniform all torn and bloody just like his soldier one had been. Then you ... you stood there surrounded by it all and asked me why I had left him behind ... just like you did at the infirmary."

"Reno ..." Cloud tried to interrupt, the strain in the Turk's voice making his heart ache.

"You know that wasn't even the worst part." The red head carried on, his recollection of the dream drawing him onto the emotional rollercoaster of it once more and away from the cadet at his side. "You then asked me if I would leave you behind and when I said I wouldn't you used my own pathetic excuse of following orders against me just before ... before ..."

"Before what?" The blonde asked uneasily.

But Reno had no more strength to speak, his voice now completely lost as he tried to breathe through the lump that was currently blocking his throat. But Cloud had no need to hear the words he almost knew would be spoken, the tears now escaping the Turk's closed eyes revealing the painful truth of how it had ended between them.

"It was just a dream Reno, just a stupid dream." The cadet insisted, his own voice now sounding shaky and unsettled.

The Turk once again remained silent as another tear made its way down his face and onto the pillow, his head giving a faint nod to show that he understood and accepted the blonde's words. It was only when he felt soft finger tips gently tracing the silvery path of the tear drop that the red head opened his eyes again, the tender caress drawing his own water orbs towards softly glowing blue spheres.

"I'm not going anywhere." Cloud whispered faintly, his bandaged hand coming into view as he went to make another affectionate touch and the faint smile on Reno's face disappear completely.

"How bad is it?" The red head asked, his voice so quiet the blonde could barely hear it.

"Bruised ribs and a sprained wrist, nothing serious." The cadet reassured gently, his words faltering slightly as the Turk's finger tips now moved up to trace along the edge of the bruise on his jaw.

"I'm surprised they didn't heal you." He murmured softly, his cautiously spoken words letting the blonde know he had been referring to Zack and Sephiroth.

"I wouldn't let them." Was Cloud's faint reply.

"Why?"

"Everybody knows it happened and it would only draw attention if I was suddenly alright."

"But you're hurting."

"I'll live." The cadet replied softly, the offhand comment hitting Reno like a punch in the gut.

For a moment the Turk couldn't breathe as he looked away and fought the threatening tears, his mind flashing back to the nightmare and the memory of hearing those words before. They were exactly the same ones he and Zack had shared that fateful day, the casual expression now making his heart ache in a way that it shouldn't be able to. It was the sound of Cloud's worried voice calling to him which drew the red head back to the moment, his body drawing in a deep shaky breath before allowing him to face the cadet once more.

"Reno, what's wrong?"

"Do you remember our first kiss?" The Turk suddenly asked, his quiet voice and the unexpected change in subject making the cadet hesitate to answer.

"Yes."

"What was it like, for you I mean?"

"It ... it was ... good." The blonde mumbled, feeling a little embarrassed.

"Just good?" The red head enquired uncertainly, a tilt of his head allowing him to look directly into Cloud's eyes.

"It was more than good." The cadet admitted softly, the slight blush spreading over his cheeks even more.

"You know I took a chance that day, when I made a move on you." Reno whispered, the words ghosting over Cloud's skin in a warm caress. "I knew you were with Zack but I just couldn't stop myself."

"You were drunk." The cadet reminded him nervously, his own certainty in this fact now coming into question.

"Yea, I'd had a few." The Turk chuckled softly, his eyes briefly looking away to a past memory before they blinked and came back to the blonde's. "But I wasn't wasted enough to know that what I was doing could get me hurt."

"Zack wouldn't have ..."

"I'm not talking about soldier boy, him I can handle." The red head interrupted, his amused voice leaving Cloud lost and even more confused. "It was you I was worried about."

"Me? But there's no way I could beat you, not in a fight."

"That wasn't what I was worried about."

"Then what was?"

"The idea of you not talking to me ever again."

"Really?" The blonde gasped in surprise.

"Yes, really." The Turk repeated, his eyes now sparkling as the better memories began to replace the haunting images from before. "The truth is I wanted to kiss you the first time I saw you, but I knew that wasn't an option. Then over time with us hanging out you ... well you seemed to be giving me these signals that it might be ok to try."

"I ... did?"

"Yes, no, maybe." Here Reno paused to laugh quietly, a small shake of his head leaving Cloud in a stunned silence. "I guess I could have imagined it, but then again Zack did say you had a thing for me."

"He did what?!"

Reno flinched at the sudden outburst, his ear nearest the cadet now ringing slightly and knew that the others would have heard it as well.

"It was only recently, when Genesis was around, and not before I swear." He spoke quickly, his heart racing in his chest as Cloud's face darkened. "He was trying to explain some stuff to me and Sephiroth, so we would understand his concerns better, and it came out then."

"It shouldn't have come out at all." The cadet stated evenly. "Because he shouldn't have known."

"You ... you never told him?"

"No, why would I? I mean it's not like I could tell my current boyfriend that I've been eyeing up his best friend."

"Good point." Reno agreed thoughtfully.

"But he ... he still worked it out?" Cloud asked nervously, his eyes now looking guilty and fearful.

"I guess so."

"But how, I mean I never said anything or did anything?"

"Apparently the fact you didn't instantly shut me out was significant. Then he said something about it being amazing that you accepted me into your life so well."

"Oh Gaia." The blonde breathed softly, as he buried his face into the palm of his good hand. "I was trying to be nice, I mean at first I was, you were his friend and I thought it was important that we get along."

"And then?"

"And then ... then it felt different when I was around you, but I never..." Cloud's words faltered as he struggled to find the right ones, his body tensing slightly to show the frustration being felt. "I never told Zack about it ... about how I felt."

"I guess you didn't need too. He obviously noticed how we acted around each other, saw something deeper which neither of us were willing to admit to at the time." Here the Turk stopped to chuckle softly once more, his eyes shining brightly in amusement as he spoke again. "At least it explains why he didn't look so shocked when he caught us and why I wasn't instantly skewered with that sword of his."

"Reno I ... I never intended for ... for things to happen the way they did." The cadet mumbled faintly beside him, the words making Reno's heart ache in a different way now.

"Do you ... regret it?" The red head asked hesitantly.

"No, never." Cloud gasped almost breathlessly, his heart pounding loud enough in his chest for both of them to hear.

"Then why does it sound like your apologising." The Turk replied sadly, his voice dipping to a soft whisper in the quiet room.

"I ... I don't know." The blonde stammered fearfully, his blue eyes wider now and damp with his own unshed tears.

"If it's Zack you're worried about I wouldn't be." Reno informed him gently, his hand reaching out to take the cadet's good one and give it a reassuring squeeze. "He obviously saw it was a possibility long before we did and didn't say anything to either of us."

"Why?" Cloud breathed, the one word holding so much need within it that it took the red head a minute to answer.

"I guess he wanted it too, or at least hoped for it." Reno suggested with a faint smile, his expression softening as he began to understand. "We were just so caught up in not letting our own feelings be known, that we missed his completely."

"Then why didn't he say something?" The blonde demanded to know, his voice becoming more confident as the truth slowly began to reveal itself.

"For the same reason we didn't." The Turk responded carefully, the answer being one he wasn't sure that Cloud was ready to accept just yet.

This time when blue eyes came back to meet his Reno saw the emotions playing through the cadet's body, the unspoken feelings almost a reflection of his own. It was only now that the Turk realised they had never really talked about that night in such depth before, not in a way which would have allowed for this kind of awareness and understanding to occur.

"He was trying to protect us, wasn't he?" Cloud asked softly.

"It would appear so." Reno agreed with a sigh.

"Why does he do that? Why does he think and act like he knows best?"

The Turk remained quiet for a moment, his thoughts suddenly jumbled by the unexpected questions and the new tone which they had been spoken in. It took his dazed and slowly sobering mind a minute to work out that they were not just talking about that night anymore, that somewhere along the way other incidents were now being referred to.

"I don't think he means to," The red head offered calmly. "Remember that he tends to act with his heart and not his head."

"And that's what makes it so ... annoying." Cloud huffed in frustration.

"You're mad at soldier boy for caring?" Reno choked out, his voice barely restraining the amusement of the blonde's words as he fought not to laugh.

"It's not funny Reno." Cloud warned him firmly. "Sometimes it's like I can't breathe, like he's smothering me."

"Is this because of everything that's happened since ... well since the accident."

"Yes. It's like it never stops, like he's always there making decisions for me and I can't take it anymore Reno."

"Have you talked to him about it?"

"Sort of."

"Care to explain?"

"We had a fight in the infirmary and it came up then."

This time the red head didn't hold back the rich laughter which escaped his lips, the sound echoing in the dark room and somehow lightening the mood. He knew it was wrong to find amusement in the blonde's clearly annoyed expression, but the image of Cloud lying in the hospital bed in his current state and still managing to have a shouting match was just too much.

"What's so funny?" The cadet asked, his confusion making his rising anger uncertain.

"Just imagining what it must have been like for anyone watching you guys, how their faces must have looked as this scrawny beat up cadet put a high ranking soldier in his place. Priceless, yo." The Turk concluded, as he wiped a tear of mirth from his cheek.

The short conversation had been enough to give them both a chance to calm, so that when the red heads laughter became softer in the room the sound was soon joined by that of another person chuckling faintly beside him.

"I guess it would look pretty strange." Cloud agreed with an accepting sigh.

Reno waited as the cadet settled down beside him and became more relaxed, the faint smile on the blonde's face letting the red head know that the worst of the silent treatment was over now.

"He loves you. You know that, right?" The Turk pointed out, after a few minutes of silence between them.

"Yea, I got that." Cloud consented without protest. "I've been an idiot, haven't I?" he added hesitantly.

"No," The red head corrected gently. "You've just had it rough for a while now and last night was like the cherry on top of it all."

"Damn it Reno, I'm an idiot. You guys are the only ones I can really trust in this place and I ... I forgot that. I became so wrapped up in my own feelings that I didn't think about yours."

"You took a chance on something which could have been good, just like I did when I kissed you the first time, except that on this occasion it didn't turn out so well."

"Actually," Cloud mumbled as he looked away slightly ashamed now. "Jacob and Brice came by earlier to apologize."

Thankfully Reno had enough sense than to comment, his mind unable to form a response which would be acceptable. Instead he remained silent and watched the cadet patiently until hesitant eyes drifted back up to meet his again, the deep pools of blue drawing him in so that all he could do was smile softly.

"I think that maybe I ... I overreacted to it all." The cadet suggested hesitantly.

"If you did then it's understandable. I mean you haven't exactly had the best experiences when it comes to those guys."

"I didn't mean with them."

"I know." The red head agreed reluctantly.

"Will he ... forgive me?"

"There's only one way to find out." Reno replied, his gentle smile letting Cloud know that they both knew the answer already.


	5. Chapter 5

**Ok, so this is the last chapter of the current story and I'm hoping that you like it. **

**I have actually found this chapter to be the hardest one to write, or at least accept as being finished. I have probably spent more time editing it than I did writing the original piece and can only hope that I have not lost the orignal feel of the stories conclusion. I must also confess that I am rather nervous about posting it and I'm not sure if it's because I've been posting it in pieces, or because it's not quite like the other instalments.**

**I would of course like to hear what you think about it, but please be kind, and if it's not what you expected I can only apologize and hope that I will be forgiven.**

* * *

**New year – Part 5**

Outside in the living room Zack and Sephiroth sat quietly, very quietly, their chests rising and falling slowly as they attempted to remain silent even when breathing. They had not expected Reno to last more than five seconds in the room with Cloud as angry as he was, so it had been more than a surprise when he didn't reappear straight away. After a minute with the Turk still inside and clearly not being beaten to death by the cadet they had become curious, their interest in the program completely gone as they focused their attention on the room behind them. Both listened easily with mako enhanced ears and felt their insides twist and turn as the conversation between Cloud and Reno played out, their hearts racing wildly as the unseen pair slowly opened up to each other. Neither spoke as they heard the red heads words and then the blonde's gradual responses, yet their eyes would often meet to communicate the same thoughts and emotions being felt.

As a result of paying such close attention to the conversation taking place, neither of them was surprise when they heard the sound of movement in the other room. Each held their breath as two sets of feet could be heard walking towards the door, their hearts skipping a beat as the object dividing them slowly opened to reveal both the Turk and cadet emerging from the darkened room. Forcing themselves to remain relaxed and casual both the soldier and general glanced over their shoulders and looked at the pair, their questioning eyes betraying the facade instantly.

"So you heard everything." Reno concluded with a soft sigh, as he took in the worried expressions.

"A little hard not to." Zack admitted sheepishly.

"I'm sorry." Cloud whispered, his face dipping down in shame over his actions.

"Hey, it's ok." The soldier replied quickly, his body rising from the sofa and slowly moving to stand beside the cadet.

"I ... I was angry and upset and I took it out on you." The blonde continued without pause, his good hand now moving nervously along his other arm as he drew in on himself.

"I know and it's ok." Zack reassured, as he gently pulled the cadet into his arms.

To the soldier's relief Cloud didn't pull away, in fact the trembling blonde now lent into the embrace and wound his arms around Zack's chest before holding on tightly.

"I'm sorry." The faint voice whispered again, this time the words being followed by a small sniffing sound.

It was Sephiroth's arms which encircled them both before either could speak again, his strong broad chest and well toned limbs easily containing both soldier and cadet in a firm embrace of his own.

"Any room for one more?" Reno asked in a joking tone, the look in his eyes saying it was more than that.

In the blink of an eye the general's hand reached out to grab the Turk's arm and pulled him towards them, the sudden movement instantly drawing the red head into the groups hug where he was easily caught and held tightly. Neither Cloud, Zack nor Sephiroth failed to notice how Reno drew in a sharp breath, or how his body shook a little as he tried to conceal the small sob which escaped him with a forced cough. Knowing that to ask would only ruin the moment they remained silent while they held each other, as each man drew on the love of the ones around him and shared in the comfort being both given and received.

It was Reno who moved first, his body turning from them so that he could walk away and quickly wipe at his face without being seen. Again it was something that was not missed, but Zack's attempt to ask was halted instantly by a small hand grabbing his arm and pulling on it. Violet eyes looked down to connect with worried blue and watched as a head of blonde spikes shook furiously to silently communicate that he shouldn't speak. His eyebrows barely had time to rise in a questioning expression before the red head turned round again, the avoiding gaze only giving the soldier more to think about.

"I'm going to grab a quick shower, wash this bar smell off me." The Turk informed them as he shuffled on the spot. "You think you guys can try not to kill each other while I'm gone?" He tried to joke, the strain in his voice letting them know that the question hadn't been that funny after all.

"We can try." Sephiroth replied for them, his own voice cool and calm for Reno's sake.

Instead of replying verbally the red head simply nodded in acceptance of the general's words, his body remaining undeniably tense as he turned and swiftly made his way towards the bathroom. As soon as the door closed and the faint sound of running water could be heard the others turned to look at each other, the same concerned expressions clearly visible on each of their faces. It was Cloud who shattered the awkward silence which had settled around them by speaking first, his worried voice easily drawing both the general and soldier from their own troubled thoughts about the Turk.

"I've never seen him like this." The blonde commented hesitantly, while looking at the men on either side of him.

"Neither have I." Sephiroth admitted, as he met the cadet's questioning gaze.

It was Zack's silence which drew their combined attention towards the soldier, his deep contemplative expression letting them know he had seen it before.

"Zack?" The general asked.

"I've only seen it this bad once before." He informed them sadly. "It was after one of his first missions, when things went bad and people died."

"People he cared about." Sephiroth concluded easily.

"Yea, it ... it screwed him up for a bit."

"Then it's my fault." Cloud noted evenly, the certainty in his voice making the soldier and general's hearts skip a beat.

"How ... how can you think that?" Zack stammered fearfully, as he placed his hands on the cadet's shoulders to make him look up at both them.

"I keep getting hurt Zack and it's getting to him, I know it is."

"What do you mean?" Sephiroth asked firmly, the blonde's sureness in the fact troubling him.

"That night when I helped at the infirmary I ... I heard something, when I was taking a break." Cloud told them hesitantly, his eyes flickering between theirs and away again as he continued. "I heard Tseng and Reno talking."

"Tseng?" Zack gasped softly, his expression momentarily becoming one of shock.

"Yes." The cadet breathed.

"Are you sure?" Sephiroth demanded, the strain evident in his voice as he tried to keep calm.

"I saw him and ..."

"And?" The soldier asked nervously.

"He saw me." Cloud informed them fearfully, as he took in both men's uneasy appearances.

"It's alright, you did nothing wrong." Zack quickly reassured, as he pulled the tearful blonde firmly between them again. "You were helping out so no one can question your presence there."

"He ... he looked at me Zack, he looked at me and he ... hated me." The cadet stammered against their chests, as he clung desperately to the material of the shirt in front of him.

"He doesn't even know you." The soldier argued back gently.

"He is suspicious of everyone." Sephiroth added quickly.

"But what if he does know ... about us I mean. What if Reno's making mistakes because of me and that's why he hates me?"

"What mistakes?" The general asked a second before Zack could.

"That's what they were talking about ... about Reno's performance and him being distracted."

"It could be a number of things Spiky." The soldier offered hopefully, his eyes connecting with Sephiroth's and seeing the same doubt he felt being reflected within them.

"I'm not a child Zack, I know what I heard and what I saw. I just didn't understand it properly until now." Cloud replied bluntly, his head tilting back so he could share is own look of disbelief over what should have been comforting words.

"Ok, we'll ask him about it soon but not right away."

"Why?" The cadet asked firmly.

"Because he has already said enough for now and has chosen to close himself off again." Sephiroth pointed out, as he glanced towards the bathroom. "It would be pointless and foolish to push him again so soon."

"Seph's got a point." The soldier agreed sadly. "We'll give him some time to sort himself out and then talk about it, ok?"

"Ok." The cadet sighed wearily.

With each of them agreeing to the plan the conversation slowly faded away allowing a peaceful silence to settle within the room, the tranquil moment lasting several minutes before a new subject was introduced.

"Is it just me or did this New Year, how would you say it ... suck?" The general asked, his curious and light-hearted tone making both Zack and Cloud look up at him in surprise.

"Did ... did you just say suck?" The soldier choked as he tried not to laugh, his mouth forming a face splitting grin as he spoke.

"He did." The cadet confirmed, his own soft lips now curving up into a radiant smile which lit the room and both men's hearts.

"Does the word not fit?" Sephiroth asked, in both confusion and happiness at the reaction he was receiving.

"Oh, it fits perfectly." Zack managed, as his words began to break up amongst the laughter bubbling up inside him. "I just never thought I'd live to hear you say it, at least not in that way."

"Say what in what way?" Reno's voice cut in before Sephiroth could reply.

The three men all turned to look across at the red head who now stood dripping wet in the bathroom door way, his towel covered form glistening in the soft light. All knew better than to comment on how the shower had indeed been a quick one, the Turk's unspoken worries and silent need to be near them once again becoming very obvious.

"Sephiroth just said that something sucked." Cloud reported happily, his cheerful tone thankfully betraying nothing of the concern he was now feeing.

"No way." Reno breathed, as the weary expression on his face melted away to be replaced by one of shocked amusement.

"He sure did." Zack agreed smiling brightly

"About what?" The Turk enquired, his mood now much lighter than before.

"The New Year." The soldier replied happily, the atmosphere in the room easing so that it gave him more hope for what he had planned.

"Now that I can agree with." The red head informed them, his face softening so that while the smile still held a hint of sadness it was now warmer and more relaxed.

"Look, I know it's not exactly the same but I had this idea for our own New Year celebrations and ... well maybe we could still do it." Zack began hesitantly, as he looked at the three men around him.

"I do not believe that Cloud is well enough for that." Sephiroth pointed out calmly, his mind already forming an idea of where the soldier was taking them.

"We could try." The cadet mumbled nervously before Zack could answer, the feel of their warm bodies against him making his insides flutter.

"For a start I wasn't thinking of that, thank you very much." Zack cut in firmly, glaring at both of them with equal annoyance for considering it as an option. " Besides we are not trying anything ... intimate right now, not while you're injured. Those bruised ribs would make most positions awkward for you and increased breathing painful."

"But ..."

"No." Zack reinforced determinedly. "Not unless you let us heal you first."

"That's not fair." Cloud growled back, his delicate features forming a deep scowl.

"Take it or leave it." The soldier pushed, his voice clearly showing there was no compromise.

"You know I can't let you do it." The blonde reminded them in frustration. "Too many people know and it wouldn't be right if I was suddenly fine."

"Just tell people your mentor healed you."

"That counts as special treatment Zack and I don't want that, or the trouble it brings."

"Fine, I'll stop bugging you." The soldier relented with a roll of his eyes. "Just know that there will be no mattress bouncing till your better." He warned the cadet playfully.

"Humph." Cloud replied with an amused snort. "Like you could hold out that long."

"Hey." Zack protested with a mock offended look, before caving in and grinning happily at the blonde's cheekiness.

"What about just taking a small potion?" Sephiroth proposed carefully, his expression aiming for neutral but not quite making it.

"Perhaps I'm not the only one who can't hold out that long?" The soldier teased, as he took in the flicker of hope in the general's eyes.

"Zack." Sephiroth warned calmly.

"What?" The soldier replied innocently, his impish smile being anything but.

"If I take a small potion, and I mean small, would you all feel better?" The blonde asked, his offer surprising all three men around him.

"Are you agreeing to take one?" Reno asked hesitantly.

"I've spent all day thinking about myself and not you guys." Cloud began sadly, his eyes briefly connecting with the red heads before he looked away towards the floor and spoke again. "I know you don't like to see me injured, that it hurts you as well."

Neither the Turk, soldier nor general went to argue the point, their lips remaining firmly sealed as they silently confirmed the very accurate evaluation of their feelings. Each knew what was coming next in the blonde's explanation, that if they healed him of known wounds it would only draw attention and possibly envy from some of the other cadet's. It was an argument they'd had several times now over the course of their time together, their dislike of seeing him injured or in pain always driving them to push the issue while Cloud would stubbornly refuse. The fact that he was now consenting to a potion was more than they could have hoped for, the small acceptance of their wishes being something they were not about to risk by pushing for more.

"It would indeed make us happier to see you well again." Sephiroth confirmed, his words being supported by two silently nodding heads beside him.

"I still can't let you heal me." The cadet began, as if confirming their expectations of his words. "But if it would make you feel better then I'll take something to speed up the process."

"Don't get mad at me." Zack began, his insides already twisting as he prepared himself for possibly blowing the moment. "But however much I want you to take the potion, I'm still not going back on what I said before."

"About what?" Cloud asked, his face now rising up to reveal a slightly confused look on his delicate features.

"About us ... getting physical." The soldier managed, as he took in the cute expression on the cadet's angelic face. "However much I want to, and believe me I want to, we aren't going to do anything until you are healed properly."

To the small group's relief Cloud's lips instantly curved up at the edges so that a soft smile formed, the glorious blue of his eyes becoming more dazzling as they began to shine with amusement.

"Don't worry, I'm not agreeing to this so we can fool around." The cadet began, the faint hint of repressed laughter accompanying his words.

"Ok, just checking you understood that." Zack managed, his lungs now releasing the breath he had involuntarily been holding.

To the soldier's joy Cloud's smile actually became brighter and the glow in his eyes even more intense, the sapphire like gems now sparkling in pleasure.

"I think I can control myself." The blonde teased playfully, the softly spoken words being accompanied by a delightful blush across his delicate cheeks.

"Well not that we've got that settled why don't you guys sort out a potion while I get dressed again." Reno spoke up, his body still appearing tense but now looking calmer and more under control than it did before. "Then you can tell us this brilliant plan of yours."

A few minutes later and they were all sitting comfortably in the living room, the red head now dressed in fresh clean clothes as he sat on the floor towel drying his hair. During his brief absence Zack had fetched a small potion from the bathroom and given it to Cloud, who now sat comfortably on Sephiroth's lap while curled up against the great man's well toned chest. Although the Turk hadn't actually seen the cadet drink the bitter tasting liquid, he could easily tell that Cloud was already experiencing the healing effects of it. For a start the marbling of colours along his jaw was starting to look better, the bright vivid colours looking softer and slightly faded while the split lip no longer appeared as tender. Then there was the way in which he now lent against the general's torso, a position which would not have been possible if he was still feeling the full pain of bruised ribs.

"You comfy Spiky?" Zack enquired as he sat down beside the pair, his question being one the red head had wanted to ask as well.

"Yes." Cloud replied happily, the ache in his side now nothing more than a slight discomfort.

"So what's this big idea of yours?" Reno asked casually, as he tossed the towel onto the coffee table and shuffled closer to them.

Zack waited until the Turk had made himself comfortable at their feet, his head of fiery red hair titling to the side and leaning against the blonde's extended legs as if they were a pillow.

"Well obviously the more intimate ideas are out of the question, for now." The soldier teased, as he grinned at the combined eye rolls he received before continuing. "I was also going to suggest a New Year's party of our own but seeing as how Spiky can't drink, and you've had enough to sink a ship already, I thought of something else."

"Thanks, I think." Reno grumbled, as he shifted himself so that his back now rested against the soldier's leg and his knees connected with Sephiroth's.

There was a moment of silence when cadet, soldier and general shared a look, equally worried expressions showing that they had all noticed the Turk's unspoken unease and his need for contact with them all. With Cloud unable to see Sephiroth's face he was unaware that they held the same look of concern for the red head at their feet, their gazes being directed at Zack as both silently asked what to do next. The soldier gave them a quick reassuring smile before continuing, his glowing eyes softening to give off an affectionate warmth which washed over them both.

"Then what were you suggesting?" The Turk enquired cautiously, the guarded tone of his voice drawing their combined attention back to him.

"I want us all to think about some personal things and share them with each other."

"About what?" Reno asked suspiciously.

"Well, the first is what we regret for from last year," Zack began nervously, his eyes watching the others intently as he quickly continued without giving them a chance to protest before he was finished. "Then I want us to say what we are looking forward to or hope for this year."

"Zack that's ..."

"I know it's a lot Spiky," The soldier interrupted gently, his violet spheres silently begging the cadet to give it a chance. "But we should do this."

"Why?" Reno asked bluntly, his head remaining bowed forward so that none of them could see his reluctant expression.

"Because we're still screwing up with things when it comes to talking and listening to each other." Zack pointed out anxiously, his expression now one of unease as he tried to explain the importance behind what they were doing. "I want to start this year again, without there being things between us, and this will help us to do that."

"Zack is correct." Sephiroth agreed nodding slightly. "We are more open than before but there are still things which we keep hidden."

"That's my regret." Cloud spoke up, his soft voice sounding both hesitant and guilty. "That I kept so much from you."

"And mine is for smothering you." Zack informed them, his hand instantly rising up to silence the cadet's protesting words. "It's ok Spiky, I get it now. I will never stop worrying about you, but I can't always be there and so I need to learn to let go a little."

"I still want you to watch my back." The blonde managed, before he was silenced again.

"Watch your back yes, but not hold you back." The soldier noted tenderly.

"I am not sure what I regret most." Sephiroth said, his words ending the soldier and cadet's discussion. "Perhaps it is that I still struggle with how I show my feelings for you, for all of you."

"It's ok, you're getting better at it." Cloud replied gently, his good hand finding the general's and holding it affectionately as he tilted his head back to see Sephiroth's face and offer up a warm caring smile.

For a moment a look passed between them, a silent understanding of words spoken not too long ago and of emotions felt and shared in the privacy of a quiet office. The cadet let his love for his general be shown in his eyes, the sky blue spheres communicating all that he felt as equally devoted orbs shone back. The interaction only lasted a minute between them, a matter of heart beats in their life, yet it was enough to let the soldier and Turk know that at some point the pair had shared something special.

"I take it you two got better acquainted while we were away." Zack teased playfully, his infections smile making Cloud and Sephiroth's small ones grow brighter.

"In a way." The general agreed politely, his eyes letting the soldier know it was a subject best left for another day.

"So what about you red, what's your regret?" Zack asked lightly, his attempt to keep the relaxed mood going faltering as the Turk tensed and looked away.

"Reno?" Cloud called softly, as the red head shifted restlessly on the floor and remained silent.

"I ... I can tell you what I don't regret." He managed after a minute, his head still bowed down to look at the floor so that he wouldn't have to meet their eyes.

"Alright." Sephiroth accepted on their behalf.

"I don't regret this, what we have." Reno began, his voice low and faintly strained as if he was struggling with the words. "I don't regret being in this relationship or how I feel about each of you."

If they had been concerned before the other three were now very worried, the unmistakable tones of hurt and repressed anger in the Turk's words making each one's heart beat a little faster.

"Reno is someone ...." Zack began, before he was cut off as the red head continued to speak.

"You know what, I do know what I regret, I regret having to be two different people all the time." He blurted out venomously, the sudden tension in his body very evident to all of them. "I hate having to be one person for the world and another when I'm with you."

"It is a problem which we all face." Sephiroth pointed out as gently as he could, the comment only making Reno draw his knees up tighter against his body and curl in on himself a little more.

"You want to talk about it?" The soldier sighed, his attempt to broach the subject tactfully now seeming a little pointless.

"Can't." The Turk replied bluntly.

"Work?" Zack asked directly.

"Yea." Reno replied flatly, without looking up.

"Well when you can talk, or want to, you know where we are." The soldier replied, his hand quickly rising again to silence both Cloud and Sephiroth's imminent protests.

"Thanks." The red head mumbled, before letting out a long breath and lowering his forehead onto his knees.

"So Spiky, what you looking forward to this year?" Zack continued, his eyes silently demanding that Cloud ignore what was happening and give Reno some time to gather himself.

"I guess taking part in the soldier try outs." The blonde responded slowly.

"And passing them to get into a soldier I assume." The soldier teased, his comment instantly drawing the cadet's attention back to him.

"Of course." Cloud replied defensively, his annoyance at the idea at not doing so making him glare at Zack.

It was only then that he saw the playful look in the soldier's eyes, the expression letting him know that it had been said that way on purpose to distract him from Reno. A kind smile graced the cadet's delicate features to show he understood and was not offended by the remark, the look being one which instantly made the raven haired man relax and grin happily.

"And what about you?" The blonde challenged to continue the conversation, the response he got being one which he had not expected.

"That's easy, lots of amazing sex of course." The soldier announced joyfully, his soft chuckle turning into a full blown laugh as he took in the cadet and general's shocked expressions.

The deep rich sound grew louder and filled the room as both Cloud and Sephiroth leant over to smack Zack's arm, his crude remark making the cadet blush furiously and the general roll his eyes in exasperation.

"Hey, stop beating me up." The soldier protested as he rubbed the bruised area, more specifically where Sephiroth had hit him.

"Then stop being so rude." The cadet replied before Sephiroth could speak.

"Oh come on Spiky, just think of all the stuff we haven't tried."

"Zack." The one word being a warning of sorts.

"I mean there are outfits and accessories we could use."

"Zack." The cautionary tone of Cloud's voice becoming stronger and more deadly.

"And I hear handcuffs are very in this year..."

"ZACK!"

"Yeeeeeessssss?" The soldier replied casually, as he looked up to meet the ruby red face of a blonde haired cadet.

"I thought you wanted to be serious about this." Cloud tried to point out calmly, his flushed cheeks and racing heart ruining the effect instantly.

Zack wasn't a fool and knew he was pushing his luck, could see the blue of Cloud's eyes glow with a very obvious annoyance, the cadet clearly not happy with being embarrassed in this way. But for some reason the soldier couldn't help himself, the knowledge that his words were now creating the perfect distraction which they all needed encouraging him to carry on. Telling himself it was for the best he opened his mouth to speak again, a small part of his mind actually cheering because based on past experience of these types of conversations he knew that whatever happened next it was going to be fun.

"I am being serious." Zack informed them with a dazzling smile, only pausing a second before adding the final touch to his reply. "Handcuffs are really in this year."

His face barely held the serious expression before splitting into the biggest smile possible, the small chuckle which escaped his lips only adding to the blonde's embarrassment and rapidly growing anger.

"I swear when my hand's better I'm going to strangle you with it." Cloud breathed threateningly, as he took in the soldier's overly pleased expression.

"Oh, feisty. I like that." Zack purred with a devilish grin, his own heart suddenly racing as the cadet's eyes momentarily widened in shock before narrowing to slits of enraged blue.

The general had about a second to feel the muscles within the smaller frame tense before Cloud suddenly leapt foward, the blonde making a futile attempt to tackle the soldier beside him. His movements were of course far too slow, his body barley shifting before Sephiroth's arms tightened around his waist and pulled him back down again.

"Well at least we know you're feeling better." Zack joked, as he took in the sight of the fuming blonde being gently restrained.

"Zackary, why do you insist on winding him up?" The general sighed, as he carefully positioned the cadet firmly against his chest.

"Because I like to live on the edge." The soldier replied happily, the mischievous expression on his handsome features revealing his pleasure of the current situation.

It was the small amused snort from the floor which drew the cadet's attention away from Zack, his gaze at the red head being quickly mimicked by the general and soldier as they also stared at the Turk questioningly.

"Reno" Cloud began, his mind suddenly processing that perhaps he had an ally in this after all. "Would you mind squeezing the life out of Zack please, Sephiroth won't let me."

The soldier's shocked expression only grew as the Turk at his feet started to laugh, the warm tone sounding lighter and a little more carefree as it escaped the red heads lips.

"Sure." Reno replied, as the laughter faded to a soft chuckle. "Although you still owe him a butt-kicking on my behalf from his time in the infirmary, so you might want to do that first."

"What? Why?" Zack stammered, as his eyes grew to the size of saucers.

"Oh yea." Cloud purred menacingly, as Reno's face came up and both turned to look at the soldier.

"Seph?" Zack asked uncertainly, as he took in the pair's united threat and equally intimidating expressions.

"Apparently your enjoyment of living on the edge, as you put it, is going to get you killed by those dearest to you." The general pointed out, before sighing heavily and releasing his hold on the blonde.

Violet eyes practically popped out of the soldier's skull as he watched the realisation of freedom flash through wicked blue spheres, the intent to make him suffer very clear in the cadet's fiendish expression.

"Oh shit." Zack choked, throwing himself from the chair and leaping away to safety as Cloud lunged towards him.

"Get back here." Cloud demanded, as he used the momentum to help him stand and leap over the arm of the sofa.

"No way." Zack retorted, as he made a dash for the door and flew out of his own apartment as if the hounds of hell were on his tail.

Sephiroth and Reno watched in amusement as Cloud disappeared almost a second later, the sounds of two pairs of feet running along the corridor fading as they both passed through the door leading to the stairs.

"I guess he is feeling better." The Turk noted calmly, as he rose to stand and wipe the palms of his hands against his trouser legs.

"At least until he calms down and realises he has strained his injuries." The general pointed out with another sigh.

"So we should follow?"

"Indeed, if anything they will both need their shoes once we catch up to them."

"I guess we should be glad that it's late enough that nobody will see." The red head grumbled, as he kicked his own shoes back on and then reached down for Cloud's boots.

"I would not worry too much, they couldn't have gotten far with Cloud in his current condition." Sephiroth reassured, as he gathered up Zack's boots and led them out through the still open doorway.

"Yea, soldier boy wouldn't make him run for too long." Reno agreed, while pulling the door closed behind him.

"And he'll keep it at a pace that Cloud can manage even with his injuries." The general finished, as they began to make their way along the corridor towards the staircase.

"You know you never said what you were looking forward too." Reno commented casually, as they began to descend to the lower floors while listening out for the other two.

"I believe I am looking forward to more moments like these." Sephiroth replied happily, his apartment enjoyment of one of his lovers trying to kill the other making the Turk raise an eyebrow questioningly.

"I did not mean this exactly, just times like these. They make me feel ... normal, if that makes sense."

"They certainly make things interesting don't they?" The red head proposed with a faint smile.

"Very." The general agreed as he stopped and began to open the door in front of them, the voices of their quarry now being easily identified in the quiet hallway.

"Beg for mercy." Cloud could be heard demanding, his triumphant and joyful voice making both Reno and Sephiroth smile.

"Never." Zack was heard to declare, his jubilant refusal to submit making the pair roll their eyes and chuckle softly.

"You know what." The Turk said cheerfully, as they took in the sight of the soldier lying on his stomach with the cadet happily sitting on his back and pinning him to the floor. "I'm looking forward to them as well."

* * *


End file.
